The fun just keeps coming in the ongoing Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce saga. The gay sex site Manhunt just offered Tom Cruise an unlimited lifetime membership to their site. Meanwhile, the rest of us are still stuck surfing the Craigslist personals for our casual sex flings…wah, waaahhh.
For every photo of Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise regaining their independence, there’s another story about Tom Cruise reclaiming his mysterious gay aura. Not on purpose of course. It’s just a zany side effect of divorcing your wife (and suspected beard). Take note closeted Hollywood men, you could be next.
No seriously, I’m sure Grindr’s kicking themselves in their uploaded penis photos right now for not thinking of this fabulous PR stunt. So anyone could be next. *cough*David Beckham*cough*
I’m no marketing expert, but I’m positive that there’s no better way to get attention for your company right now than by jumping on the Tom-Cruise-is-Gay-Train. (It’s even less comfortable than sitting next to the bathroom on the Megabus. But it goes places so fast! Almost as fast as the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes courtship. Zing.)
The question is if all this pressure will finally make Tom Cruise come out of the closet and embrace his alleged sexuality. Or maybe it will drive him even further in. Maybe he’s already in the process of casting his next wife, with the help of his Scientology friends of course.
This time, they’ll have to go even younger and even less talented than Katie Holmes. She’s proved wayyy too savvy in this whole affair. So if you’re a pretty young thing who wants to make a name for herself in Hollywood for the low, low price of 5 years of your life, email IWant2BeThe4thWifeOfTomCruise@hotmail.com
Don’t forget to include a picture and to disclose any possible pregnancies with ex-boyfriends.