R. Kelly‘s epic hip-hopera Trapped In The Closet may have led to at least one marriage, but the R&B weirdo hasn’t been so lucky when it comes to his own love life; he got divorced from his wife/back-up dancer Andrea Kelly back in 2009. However, according to his new memoir Soulacoaster, this divorce had nothing to do with his predilection for peeing on underage girls, and everything to do with Ryan Gosling.
Did Gosling steal his woman? Of course not. Everyone knows that Ryan Gosling is capable of stealing most women, but would never do so, or else he wouldn’t be Ryan Gosling anymore. As it turns out, all Ryan Gosling had to do to make R. Kelly divorce his wife was deliver a heartfelt and beautiful performance in The Notebook:
As the film credits started to roll, I couldn’t move. I burst into tears. People walking past me patted me on the back, trying to console me. ‘The Notebook’ was beautiful, and I was crying because its hero and heroine had died together.
But I was also crying because I remembered a Valentine’s Day — when a helicopter dropped a rainfall of roses — that had come and gone … My marriage had died. And there was nothing I could do to bring it back.
While some might welcome this realization, R. Kelly found it horrible and life-ruining, so he’s since made it his life’s mission to create a work of art so moving it will break up Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes and make them feel as sad as R. Kelly feels. And that, my friends, is the real reason he wrote 32 new installments of Trapped In The Closet.
Image: New Line Productions