And did I mention her balls. She has like a thousand. It’s not every 11-year-old who can pierce someone else’s ears. Or who can convince her father to pay one billion dollars to fly the Concord at the last minute just to arrive in London before Annie and their mother.
So yeah, I wish I was a Hallie Parker. And not an Annie James. But as fate will have it, I’m totally the English girl who wears a pantsuit to summer camp in Maine and delights in coming up with incredibly complicated handshakes to teach my butler.
Sorry for not partying. And asking the people who are partying to turn the music down and the lights off.
Annie James is totally practical. She’s a straight-forward and reasonable girl who has her head on straight. Her best friends are her grandfather and Martin, her butler. Completely respectable, but not completely cool. She’s the twin who has her act together. When Nick Parker gets engaged to Cruella De Stepmother, she’s the one who has to put a plan into action
Unlike Hallie. Who’s off living in the moment. Dad getting remarried to horrible woman? Whatever, Hallie’s playing wedding dress designer in London. She hardly remembers she even has a father. What’s that? Candy wrapper static on the phone when her sister’s telling her something incredibly important. #Whatever #WhoCares
To be young and selfish and Hallie. What a treat that must have been. I wouldn’t know though because I’ve always been an Annie. I’ve always had my shit together and I’ve never lived on the edge. In fact, I’m probably even more straitlaced than Annie because I wouldn’t have let Hallie come close to me with that completely ear piercing needle.
At least not without reading all her Yelp reviews first. It’s just not safe. And I live for safety. If there’s an edge, I can’t find it because I’m so far from jumping off of it. That makes me responsible and it makes me reliable, but it doesn’t make me someone you want to go horseback riding with in Napa Valley. Or someone you would trust to give you a drunken tattoo with stolen ink in a foreign country. Which is something I presume Hallie Parker did a lot during her college years. Along with dropping out of school for a bit to find herself in southeast Asia.
But that’s okay. I’m only 25. It’s not to late for me to still embrace my inner Hallie Parker. To throw care to the wind and live for the next moment. To grab an apple, a match and a needle and let someone pierce my ears in a wooden cabin.
After all, you never know when you’ll run into your identical twin sister and discover that your parents came up with the most ridiculously unethical custody plan ever created.
Or I guess what I’m trying to say is Happy Birthday Linds! The best birthday present you can give yourself is a sequel to this movie. It will not only highlight your amazing acting skills, but it will also give us a chance to find out how the whole transcontinental re-marriage thing worked out for the family.