I’m A Huge Annie James, But I Still Totally Want To Be A Hallie Parker

Lindsay Lohan turns 26 today. That’s neat. Like seriously neat, because she’s Lindsay Lohan and we all know that she spent a few unpredictable years playing a great game of  ”self-destructive behavior.” But I’d rather not discuss that. Because it’s not a fun conversation.

I’d prefer to spend her birthday discussing The Parent Trap, her most impressive piece of work to date. Not only did she bring fresh life to the custody-plan-unapproved-by-any-child-specialist genre of movies, but she successfully managed to play Annie James and Hallie Parker so well that I always forget that she’s not an identical twin herself when I’m watching the film.

But that could be because I always spend the whole time trying to figure out how I became such an Annie James, when all I ever aspired to be was a Hallie Parker. Is it because I like wearing collared shirts under my crew-neck sweatshirts? The more I think about it, the more I think that could be where I went astray.

But let’s take a closer look at this complex question.

Annie’s a great girl. A totally super fencer and impressive prankster. But she’s no Hallie Parker.

Oh Hallie Parker. Where do I start with my admiration for her? First off, pierced ears, awesome. Layered hair. Double awesome. The girl grew up on a winery with Dennis Quaid in Napa Valley. She owned a jean jacket. Her favorite food’s Chessy’s chili. You don’t get much cooler than that. She’s practically awesome-ing out the wazoo at this point.

Look up popular on Urban Dictionary and you’ll see Hallie Parker’s face starring back at you. (Just kidding, never look up anything on Urban Dictionary.)

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    • Kelsey Manning

      I’ve learned so many things I never wanted to know by looking things up on Urban Dictionary

    • Kelsey Manning

      In more on-topic commenting, I fricken love Hallie Parker. When she walks into the game room to “Bad to the Bone” whipping that bag of nail polish and shit around? Iconic moment in American film

      • Nancy

        That’s the part I was going to say, too! That poker game was one of my absolute favorite parts of that movie! “In your honor, a Royal Flush!” BOOM

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    • Emily Jojolabas

      The poker scene was like the classic scene of the movie, and my favorite, I wish it were longer