Do you guys remember that movie The Parent Trap about the twins who switched places to try to get their parents back together? Remember? It was really cute and it starred two little redheaded girls? Well that was actually one girl, and her name was Lindsay Lohan. I know you haven’t heard her name for a while because she never did another movie and she’s stayed off the radar ever since, but we recently caught up with her for an interview to see what her life’s been like since we last heard from her.
Crushable: Hey Lindsay, happy birthday!
Lindsay: Thank you so much!
Crushable: What’ve you been up to since 1998?
Lindsay: You know, not a whole lot! The whole acting thing was a little too intense for me, so I sort of just went back to daily life after we folded on The Parent Trap.
Crushable: Folded? What do you mean?
Lindsay: Isn’t that the word they use when you finish filming something and put all the finishing touches on it?
Crushable: …no. I wonder if you’re thinking of something else. Do you mean ‘wrapped’?
Lindsay: (Laughs.) Oh my gosh, yes! Wrapped! I can’t believe I forgot that. It was just so long ago that I’ve forgotten a lot about the movie business.
Crushable: Yeah, we totally get it! It must’ve been pretty weird to go back to your regular life — did you have any problems adjusting afterward?
Lindsay: You know, I actually did, a little bit. I was in kind of a low place. I did some things I’m not proud of.
Crushable: Oh really? That sounds scandalous — tell us more.
Lindsay: Well, there was some substance abuse. My skin was breaking out and I ate a lot of junk food. A couple times I ate so much ice cream that I fell asleep at a friends’ house and had to get a ride home.
Crushable: Oh…well that doesn’t sound so bad, but at least you did the responsible thing and didn’t drive…?
Lindsay: Yeah, but that’s not the worst of it. There were some nights I was so tired from doing homework that I fell asleep without even brushing my teeth. It was a pretty dark time for me.
Crushable: I mean…that’s all pretty normal stuff. It sounds like you were just a regular teenager. That’s stuff we all go through.
Lindsay: Oh my gosh, really? This whole time I thought I was such an embarrassing mess, barely keeping my life together!
Crushable: Nope…it just sounds like you were going through puberty, being an average adolescent.
Lindsay: No but in college –
Crushable: Oh you went to college?
Lindsay: Of course! My mom Dina Lohan always says that education is the most important thing!
Crushable: Sounds like your mom gives great advice! Anyway, continue.
Lindsay: Well in college I got up to some really shady stuff. I was kind of a rebel. I remember one semester I skipped the same class four times. I got a B+ in it, but still. AND…I mean, don’t print this on your website, but I once ate half of a pot brownie once.
Crushable: Again, Lindsay…this is pretty standard stuff. It sounds like you had a really normal life, one that many of our readers can sympathize with. You have nothing at all to be ashamed of!
Lindsay: You really think so?
Crushable: We know so!
Lindsay: Gosh, you don’t know how relieved I am. I always felt a sort of responsibility to young girls, you know since I did the movie. I felt like I should try to set a good example for them, and I was so worried that I hadn’t!
Crushable: You have absolutely nothing to worry about! (Laughs.) So before we say our goodbyes, I’m sure our readers would like to know what you’re up to now.
Lindsay: Well, nothing that impressive. I’m actively involved in my church, I wrote a book about my experiences as a child star, I run a charity for young redheads, and me and my other friends Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have a book club that meets once a month. You probably don’t remember them — they played the youngest kid on Full House when it was on, but they never did anything else.
Crushable: Oh yeah, I think I vaguely remember them! Well awesome! Thanks so much for meeting with us, and it’s so refreshing to see a child star who transitioned so seamlessly into being a healthy, functioning adult. Good for you, and keep up all the good work! And of course let us know if you ever decide to do a movie again!
Lindsay: (Laughs.) Not gonna happen, but check the shelves for my new cookbook coming out in 2013!