• Mon, Jul 2 2012

Dude’s In Denial: Man Blames 17-Year-Old Harry Styles For Seducing His 32-Year-Old Wife

So here’s the thing about adults sleeping with children, the adult is always wrong. Doesn’t matter how famous the child is or how mature the child is or how popular the child is on Twitter, the adult is wrong. So why then does Oliver Horobin act like the then 17-year-old Harry Styles cruelly seduced his 32-year-old wife, DJ Lucy Horobin. At almost double his age, she should have known better. A lot better. Oh also, her marriage sucks.

Happily married people don’t usually cheat on their husbands. That’s just something I read in an About.com article titled “how to be happily married.” According to Lucy’s former colleagues who opened up during an interview with Mirror, Harry Styles of the tweeny-bopper band One Direction did all the seducing. Lucy’s just a blameless victim who let her vagina lead her into a hotel room with an underage celebrity.

A former colleague of Lucy at ­Manchester’s Key 103 radio station told us: “It was Harry who asked for Lucy’s number. She was ­feeling low about the state of her marriage – it seemed a bit of fun. “He pursued Lucy. It was him who did a lot of the running, sending flirty texts and messages on Twitter. Eventually, after all the flirting they ended up at a hotel. It was the talk of the radio station.”

“Low on the stage of her marriage,” is a lovely way to put, “feeling so desperate in her marriage that she felt compelled to cheat on her husband” — and I do admire the poetry of that statement. After Oliver heard the news about the affair, he weirdly felt anger toward his wife. Then, after calming down (and realizing he still very much wanted to have sex with his wife), transferred all his anger toward the underage pop star.

After our shock ­revelations ­Oliver told his pal: “Harry is a rat. Since his fling with Lucy has been ­revealed, he’s been hailed a hero – an innocent lad who just happens to like older women. The friend told the Sunday Mirror: “To ­Oliver, Harry is just a spoilt little rich kid who does ­whatever he wants, when he wants – no ­matter the consequences. ”Just because Harry is young doesn’t mean he is some innocent victim being hunted down by older women. In Oliver’s eyes, it’s the women who need to be careful. And men need to be on their guard.”

Yes Oliver, it is the women who need to be careful around this savage teenager. And yes it is the men who need to be on guard. And on their game. All it takes is forgetting to tighten the chastity belt one busy morning, and you can lose your wife forever. Harry Styles collects wives like 5th grade boys collected Digimon cards in the mid ’00s. He’s a dangerous predator and rumor has it he can steal a woman’s wedding ring right off her finger just be looking at her crotch.

It’s crazy. But it’s true. According to Oliver Horobin, it’s true. Also according to Oliver Horobin, women have no free will as well as no way to say no to “do you want to come to my hotel room?” In related news, how much do you think a studio in denial town costs? It might be nice to have a neighbor as chivalrous as Oliver Horobin.

(Photo: Judy Eddy/WENN.com)

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  • M:)

    Harry Styles is 18, almost 19….did this happen a year or two ago?

  • Vanessa Vieira

    ‘No sweetheart, I can’t give you my number because I’m 32, you’re 17, and I’m married. Have a great night though!’ — Look! An easy way to get out of that situation. Obviously she didn’t want to get out of that situation because she said the exact opposite…..and also willingly took off her clothes and engaged in sexy time with a 17-year-old. Nice try, Oliver.

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  • Carly

    If this took place in the UK (which it sounds like it did) then he wasn’t underage – the age of consent in the UK is 16. I’m not saying it’s right for a 32 year old married woman to have sex with a 17 year old, but it’s not illegal and it’s sloppy reporting to call him underage when he wasn’t.

  • Amy

    He wasn’t underage, so stop saying he was. In 80% of US states he wasn’t underage either.

    Whether it’s immoral or not is up for debate, but you’re just plain wrong in insistently referring to Harry as underage when he categorically wasn’t.

  • Alexus Coffman

    I laughed SO flipping hard while reading this. Oliver’s pathetic.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/kimi.haack Kimi Haack

    Pshh if i was hot id do him.