If I wasn’t a pop-culture blog editor who specialized in tween-lingo, I’d probably be an OB-GYN. Not because I have any interest in delivering babies or making placenta smoothies, but because I want to be that exclusive source that Star Magazine calls when they need somebody, anybody, to comment on a celeb’s pregnancy status. I think I’d do a good job at that. Mostly because I have no moral issues with lying to the general public.
And that’s why I’m continuing my on-going investigation into the contents of Miley Cyrus’ uterus. Because 31% of me believes that she’s getting married to Liam Hemsworth because she’s carrying his child. 79% of me thinks that there’s something wrong with me that I have so much trouble believing that two celebs can actually marry for love. You can blame an unhealthy obsession with reading blind items for that one.
People Magazine, the brainchid publication of the Crushable editors, says that the star spent last night shimmy-ing the night away to Top 40 hits at Beacher’s Madhouse insider the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. It mentioned details like the fact that she pulled a friend into a photobooth at 12:15 am and that she threw her hands up in the air to dance to Rihanna’s song, “We Found Love in a Hopeless Place.” Meaning that the reporter noticed everything that Miley did that night. Therefore the fact that it did not mention her drinking alcohol means she didn’t drink alcohol. Which we all know from watching romcoms means she’s pregnant.
Or that she’s underage and no one would serve her.
Or she’s pregnant.
Which is it?
We won’t know conclusively for 9 months. But stay tuned to Crushable as we overanalyze everything the young star does. Because if she’s pregnant, I want you to say “I heard it on Crushable first. And it was a lie. And then I heard it on Crushable again. And it was true.”
(Guys, feel free to nominate me for a Pulitizer any day you want! I don’t want to say I deserve it, but I also don’t want to be unfair to all the hard work I’ve been doing here.)
(Photo: Judy Eddy/WENN.com)