• Mon, Jun 25 2012

The Latest Miley Cyrus Wedding Rumor Convinced Me That She’s Pregnant With A Hemsworth Heir

Because it wasn’t enough to give the good, hard-working American people angina over her surprising engagement to Liam Hemsworth, Miley Cyrus recently tweeted a cryptic message that’s leading everyone to think she’s getting married next weekend.

And by everyone, I mean the dedicated journalists at HollywoodLife.com who saw that tweet, interpreted it to mean “wedding!” and then sent the rest of us into a pre-wedding frenzy. How could this engagement be moving so fast. Didn’t I just recover from her engagement announcement!?

Or I guess, what I’m trying to say is why would a young couple with nothing but endless time and money in front of them rush to the altar so quickly!?

A long, sordid history of Lifetime movie watching combined with a 1950s dating mentality leads me to only one conclusion.

Miley Cyrus is pregnant.

And she must believe that if she gets married right now and gives birth 8 months later, we won’t suspect a thing. Just an innocent honeymoon baby coming a few weeks early.

Well sorry Miley. You’re going to have to wake up pretty early in the morning to try and pull that one over on me. This isn’t my first time at the Child-Stars-Be-Birthing-Child-Stars rodeo.

If Miley’s smart, she’ll come clean with the pregnancy now, call the god-fearing production folk at TLC and negotiate some kind of reality show that will hel help her stay in the spotlight.  former child star gets pregnant while dating an up-and-coming movie star. That has reality TV written all over it. Especially if she gives birth to 9 children. 9 dwarf children who are clinically obese and have an addiction to eating napkins.

(Photo: Sky.com)

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  • Cara

    Say it ain’t so! They would have a pretty cute kid, though. Perhaps they could name him or her Gale or Montana (as in Hannah ;])

    • Jenni Maier

      OMG, you know Miley will name her child something totally corny/ridic. Like “Last Song”

  • Kayla

    Not too concerned, she’s probably just adopting her 67th dog.

    • Jenni Maier

      Ha! Touche.

  • Amy

    Or…she isn’t getting married next weekend, and she might be happy about-oooh, absolutely anything else? You seem to have bizarrely ignored that possibility.