As you may know, actress Jemima Kirke, who plays the free-spirited (and newly married!) Jessa on HBO’s Girls, is currently pregnant with her second child. As Girls is shooting its second season right now, it seems like she’s going to be visibly pregnant for at least part of the time she’s working on the show. I doubt they’ll write her pregnancy into the script (Lena Dunham can’t write about experiences she’s never had, remember?), but wouldn’t it be neat if they did? Here are some scenarios viewers might find preferable to having Jessa acquire a sudden fondness for muumuus.
1. Jessa is pregnant with Thomas John‘s baby. He alternates between caressing her tummy lovingly, and screaming at her for “dragging her feet” over the threshold of the door to his BMW.
2. Jessa is pregnant with not Thomas John’s baby. She spends the entire season visiting all the men who might have knocked her up to collect samples of their hair. Guest stars include Milo Ventimiglia, Scott Stapp, Mitt Romney.
3. Jessa is pregnant with the baby of the guy she had sex with while having a miscarriage. She’s just that fertile. (Also, I want to see that guy again.)
4. Hannah and Marnie have a huge, screaming fight over who’s responsible enough to be the baby’s godmother. To spite them both, Jessa gives the honor to Shoshanna.
5. Jessa loses her own child at the playground, realizes it’s actually a very bad thing to lose a child at the playground.
6. Hannah “parents” Jessa’s baby for a day so she can write about it, gets “inspired” and leaves it on a park bench. Jessa’s baby gets kidnapped by the white slave trade.
7. Hannah and Adam must go on a quest to buy the baby back from the white slave trade. Neither can hold down a job, so they fail. Marnie saves the day with her secret trust fund.
8. Jessa does, indeed, take her baby with her to her babysitting job. She tells parents she’s only doing it to help “socialize” their children.
9. In an extreme surprise twist, the father is Ray! The baby hates Jessa and Hannah as much as he does, so he is forced to raise it himself in a wacky, Mr. Mom, Brooklyn Edition type scenario.
10. Shoshanna eats the baby while accidentally high on bath salts. “Oopsies! Totes my bad!”