Hey y’all, it’s me, Miley! Staying famous in between projects can be hard. Luckily, I’ve got it down to a fuckin’ science. My PR girl tells me that the public can’t get enough of me! Here are ten of my road-tested-and-true methods to stay in that sparkly spotlight forevs.
1. Constantly tweet cute photos of your puppy and your fiance. (See above.)
2. Get yourself some Daisy Dukes. Now, bend over in those Daisy Dukes while you’re shopping at AmAppy and show your cute little butt to the paparazzi!
3. One word: sideboob. Or is that two words? I forget.
4. Splash around in a pool with someone who’s not your fiance.
5. NSGND: Never Stop Getting New Dogs. (And new dog servants to take care of them, hee hee.)
7. Go on whatever diet is trendy to go on right now, provided it makes you skinny.
8. Tweet vaguely pro-ana sounding sentences.
9. Smoke salvia. Refer to yourself as a “stoner” in front of some cameras.
10. Ruin everyone’s favorite songs from the ’90s. The ’90s are back, y’all! Which is good, because I wasn’t born yet the first time.
Oh yeah, and here’s a bonus one, or should I say “boner one?” (Get it? Like a dick? Sometimes I just crack myself up, hee hee.) You all know what I’m talking about, and it rhymes with “Venus Rake.”
See y’all on the red carpet! ONE LOVE.