• Wed, Jun 20 2012

6 Burning Questions I Have After Watching Real Housewives of Orange County

3. Why is every single person talking about the same thing in their respective limos on the way to Heather’s party?

I am not kidding when I say that there was a segment in this week’s episode where each couple was filmed talking about the whole Alexis-Costa Rica incident. This makes me question the validity of this show. Were they prompted by producers to talk about it? It is so hard for me to say that it is just coincidence that Gretchen and Slade, Vicki and Brooks, Tamra and Eddie, and Alexis and Sarah are all chatting it up about the same exact thing. Maybe they are all just that vapid and shallow and can only talk about “drama” and not things that actually matter. I perish the thought.

4. Exactly how rich are Heather and Terry Dubrow?

I tried to invade privacy rules and Google how much they make a year, but I couldn’t find anything worth noting. They have an absolutely enormous house, and this party is so amazing. Their backyard should be rented out for other people’s parties too. I do not know how much they make annually, but I am just going to take a guess and say 80 bazillion dollars a year. Seems legit.

5. Why are guests of Heather’s party inviting other people?

Jeana Keough pops into the party. Sarah Winchester was uninvited apparently, but they both claim to be the guests of people who were invited. Why are all these people the guests of other people? Why isn’t Heather more pissed off about this? If I was having a big bash for no reason, I don’t think I would care if people I didn’t know showed up—the more, the merrier, but when it’s such a personal party for a name-change type of thing, I think I would want people there who knew my name in the first place! Doesn’t that go against the social norm? C’mon Andy Cohen, please just admit that you brought all these whack jobs together on purpose. Just come clean, it’s okay, you can tell me.

6. How pissed should Heather be about the Cake Incident?

So to break this down quickly, Heather ordered this professionally done cake with her new initials on it and a big pink bow made of that fancy cake stuff that they use all the time on The Food Network. Sarah is completely wasted and decides it’s a good idea to break off a piece of the bow (before anyone has even taken a bite) and eat it. When confronted by half the party, Sarah says she has a sugar problem. Lamest excuse ever. Vicki makes a hilarious comment about how it’s not a sugar problem, but a drinking problem, which is 100% true. Instead of apologizing, Sarah gets super rude and defensive. Heather doesn’t even kick her out, which was really cool of her. I would have been like, “Get the eff out of my house, you booze hound.” Heather was not overreacting. I’d be mad too. And Alexis is saying how all the other ladies are overreacting, but you know that if that were Alexis’ cake, she would call the Orange County Police. Real talk.

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  • Sandy

    It was stupid that Sarah ate a small piece of a sugar bow off of Heather’s sweet 16 cake. Isn’t that what another 16 year old would do while drunk at the party?

    Of course, you should round up a posse and confront a clearly drunk person about this incredibly important issue! (If you’re 16)

    Who has a party because you finally decide, after a slew of children and 15 years of marriage, to use your husband’s last name?

    Is this all Heather has?
    I used to be an actress, my husband likes to gossip about the other housewives like a little girl, I’m BFF with the shrew Tamra and I like to be stuck up while calling other’s stuck up?
    Sadly, Sarah is more interesting than the boring, pretentious Heather!