You know you’re a B- or C-List actress when other actresses are politely declining a role and you’re actively throwing your hat in the ring for consideration without even knowing what the project is. Emma Roberts is volunteering herself to play Anastasia Steele in the movie version of Fifty Shades of Grey without having even read the book, while other stars such as Selena Gomez have expressed trepidation about the super-risque role. While this role would undoubtedly be an excellent follow-up to Emma’s mature work in Nancy Drew, Valentine’s Day, and other timeless classics, it might be slightly more risque than she realizes. Emma commented:
“Everyone says read Fifty Shades Of Grey. I don’t really understand…but everyone on the plane was reading it, and I was like: ‘I should probably just get it.’ I haven’t read it, I don’t even understand, but yeah, it sounds awesome. Anything racy, hot. Sure, let’s get hot.”"
Yes, Emma. Obey the peer pressure. Whenever you see a lot of people doing one thing, don’t try to find out about it on your own, just try to get involved in it in some way. Yeah, you could pick up the book and find out for yourself that it’s the most blatantly sexual thing that’s ever existed, or! You could just volunteer yourself for the project and find out later that it involves letting a gentleman take a tampon out of your body so you can engage in sexual intercourse together! No big deal!
Actually, I do feel obligated to admit here that I haven’t actually read the book myself, but I have physically touched it in bookstores while flipping through it…before realizing that I can’t buy it because I don’t have the balls to read it on the subway. However I’m also not suggesting myself to play the role of Anastasia, so I think I can still cast the first stones, right? Because my house isn’t glass? Awesome.
Regardless, Emma, my dear — you are getting yourself into a sticky situation, here, recommending yourself to play a part you know nothing about. Luckily for her, it seems like Bret Easton Ellis, who has suggested himself to write the screenplay, has his eye on someone a little more mature, like Kristen Stewart or Scarlett Johanson, both of whom he suggested for the role in tweets that have since been deleted, saying:
“This is not a joke. Christian Grey and Ana: potentially great cinematic characters. Thinking more conventionally for Ana in Fifty Shades of Grey… Scarlett Johansson or Kristen Stewart.”
Honestly, this debate over who will play the role will probably be much less uncomfortable to watch than the movie itself, so personally, I’m fine with it going on forever.