We’re in Week Six of The Bachelorette and it’s really coming down to it. By the end of last night’s episode there will only be five guys left…or will there?!? This week, in Dubrovnik, Croatia, Emily Maynard finally got down to business and did some housekeeping. And I don’t mean sweeping the floors or dusting the shelves — I mean focusing on getting rid of some of these dead weight contestants. It was like the theme of this week was ‘shit or get off the pot’, and I have to give our girl props, because in most cases, she followed through like a champ. So, let’s do this.
There are two one-on-one dates and one group date up for grabs this week, and Travis snagged the first one-on-one, meaning he needed to receive a rose mid-date to stay in the game. At least I can finally answer the question of ‘why is Travis still here?’ — it’s because he and Emily have apparently created a really great friendship. I’m assuming off-camera, because this is the first I’m hearing of it. She’s saying how she feels really comfortable around him and wants to see if there’s a romantic connection…and they’re arm-in-arm learning about the city’s history…and then there it is. Her tell. Emily asks Travis if he wants to get some ice cream, and I know it’s all over. This guy is going home tonight, and I know it because she’s talking to him like he’s a little kid. Remember how I noticed that a few episodes ago? WELL SEE MY GENIUS AND FEAR ME…because he does in fact go home. It actually makes me really respect Emily, because she was very realistic with him, with lots of eye contact and honesty, as she told him she really enjoyed him as a friend, but that there wasn’t a romantic connection. Even though she really really wanted there to be. He took it like a man, it was super respectful on both sides, and Emily said “Bye honey!” as he was leaving. (Ha! See! It’s her tell!)
Group date this week was a a viewing of the Disney movie Brave (I’m jealous! I wanna see that!), followed by participation in their very own Highland Games. It was three events, and all six guys did each. First was archery, which Emily also did, and apparently wasn’t too bad at. Everyone was actually pretty close to the bulls-eye except Chris, who talked a big game but completely missed the target. Next was the ‘caber toss’, which involves throwing a log end-over-end, as far as you can. Chris volunteered to go first for this…and promptly DQed, because his log didn’t flip over itself. Sean made the panties drop by throwing his log so hard that it actually broke on the ground. Safe to say Emily noticed this. All the other guys were able to flip their trees as well, except for Jef, who is but a small hipster lad. The final event was a tug-of-war challenge with a name that sounded like ‘maid leash’, which isn’t a thing, but I have no idea how to look it up if I don’t know what it’s called. White girl problems. Basically it’s a strength challenge, and Chris went first again, and chose Doug as his partner, which was oh-so-very brave, because Doug is burly and strong…and beat him. Sean was the best at this event as well, however, meaning he won two out of three of the challenges. John was also on this date, but he continued to sail contentedly under the radar and refuse to distinguish himself in any way. At the end of the competition, Emily gave away a cup for the ‘The Bravest’ man at the Games, and it went to Chris, because she said not being afraid to look silly was more important than physical strength and muscles. Get it, girl, I like you better ever week. He also later got the Group Date rose because I feel like the producers told Emily to throw us Arie‘s scent, since he’s clearly the winner. She has to stop giving him things all the time and picking him first.
On to the second one-on-one date, with Ryan. It was his second time getting a one-on-one date as well, actually, which he mentioned several times, just to remind the other guys that he is the perfect man and they are not. I’ve made it known in the past that I hate Ryan. I’ve always hated Ryan. I’m ready for Ryan to be gone. I’m so ready that I’m not even going to discuss the date in detail, just so I can skip to the end where he doesn’t get to be on the show anymore. Yes, that’s right! She finally did it! She finally sent Ryan home! Which is actually really impressive, because he has all the traits of an abuser; he treats her well and makes her feel good about herself, then cuts her down in some way to make her feel she’s not good enough and to try harder. He gives her just enough so that she feels like they’re about to make a significant connection and she’ll be able to stop trying so hard, and then yanks it away so she has to scramble for it again. It’s stuff that it’s really easy for us (or me, anyway) to see from the outside, because we’re not emotionally invested, but Ryan is so skillfully manipulative that I’m really impressed that Emily was able to see through it. He presented an effing list to her during dinner about what his ideal woman would be, for god’s sake. He used all the right words, like ‘loyal’, ‘encouraging’, and ‘logical’, but his explanations were downright scary. He wanted someone who would support him before herself, not talk back or ask questions, and not get ‘overly emotional’. He’s good at what he does, but the list was a major misstep, for Ryan. As he was reading it, you could see Emily’s face shutting off. She told him that the first thing on her list would be ‘a loving family, not a perfect one’, which was something that didn’t appear on his list at all. Then she told him that she couldn’t give him a rose, and he went into survival salesman mode, which was super creepy. He kept talking about how ‘shocked’ he was, and criticizing Emily for not giving him a chance. He got her so confused that she started feeling like it was her fault, and that she was making the right choice, and he’s so good at what he does that I was scared he was going to be able to talk her into giving him a rose…but she didn’t! Hurray! He’s gone and he’s gonna stay gone!
Ugh, sorry. That was a lot of details about one skeevy guy, but I feel really strongly about him being manipulative and abusive, so I wanted to make sure I said it all! Other highlights of the episode include Arie sneaking off to make sure she’s okay after sending Ryan home, and Emily asking Chris Harrison for an extra rose so that neither John nor Doug have to go home. So all in all, not a bad week. Going back to the theme of ‘shit or get off the pot’ — in the cases of Travis and Ryan, she finally just got the tough stuff out of the way and shit, and in the cases of John and Doug she…got off the pot. So hopefully she’ll shit them out next week.
You’re welcome for the really appropriate and attractive metaphor. Oh and let’s just take a quick moment to acknowledge that there are six guys left, and FOUR of them are in my original BroSquad: Sean, Jef, Doug, and Arie. I just want everyone to be aware that I’m awesomely good at instincts. See you guys next week!