• Wed, Jun 13 2012

Hollywood Gives Into Chris Hemsworth And Agrees To Cast Him In Every Major Movie

As as apology to the Hemsworth family for introducing Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus, Hollywood’s generously agreed to cast Chris Hemsworth in every major blockbuster movie filming in the next 2-7 years. So far this year, we’ve already seen the star appear in The Cabin in the Woods, The Avengers and Snow White and the Huntsman. Three completely different movies that all helped boost him onto the coveted A-list.

And now, I just received word this morning via carrier pigeon that he’ll be the lead in a new Moby Dick inspired movie called In the Heart of the Sea. Before you get confused and think this is some kind of Titanic sequel about a man and a murderous whale competing to the find the heart of the ocean necklace that Rose (selfishly) drops into the Atlantic ocean at the end of the movie, it’s completely unrelated. Mostly because it’s called the In the Heart of the Sea and not Finding The Heart of the Ocean After Rose Literally Dropped it into the Ocean to Make Some Kind of Long-Winded Metaphor About Love.

Our friends over at The Film Stage actually did some research into the film and discovered the following nuggets of information.

The story, pulled from history, would give Hemsworth a heroic role aboard a “Nantucket whaling ship the Essex, which was stalked and ultimately destroyed by a sperm whale in 1820. Stranded thousands of miles from home, the crew struggled to survive; they were lost at sea for 90 days. Eight were rescued.”

While Hemsworth seems like an obvious pick for the heroic role, we’re now left wondering who will get cast as the sperm whale. Obviously, someone spermy. That goes without saying. But should it be an up-and-coming actor who’s trying to break away from his Nickelodeon fan base to prove he’s an adult? Or perhaps another big Hollywood name? Like Tea Leoni or Geroge Clooney.

Or maybe, just maybe they can make the bold decision to cast Liam Hemsworth as the whale. Brother vs. brother. Now that’s a movie I’d pay to see in 3D. Especially if Liam wears a sperm whale costume the entire time.

 

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  • Jenna

    Wait… In The Heart of The Sea is actually its own book which I was forced to read in high school. I say forced because it’s rather painful to read, and gross. But maybe Chris Hemsworth will make it better? (though *spoiler alert* probably not if he’s one of the guys who gets eaten … or really for that matter does the eating.. so nope he will not make it better)

    • Jenni Maier

      Let’s look at the bright side, at least it’s based on a boring book and not a children’s board game.