I Grew Up On The Olsen Twins. And It Took A Lot To Get Over Them

Today is Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s 26th birthday. I would say Happy Birthday to them, but I can’t muster up the strength to care. Not after everything they put me through during my childhood. You see, I used to love them. I poured my heart and soul and allowance into my obsession. And now, years after I paid for New York Minute and dragged an innocent friend to see it with me in theaters, I’m just starting to work on forgiving them for their betrayal.

Do I sound crazy? Unhinged? Irrational?

You should have seen in my  7th grade when my parents made me turn off a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie marathon on TV to go out to dinner. I wish my temper tantrum only involved tears, but I’m pretty sure it involved some choice statements like, “this is a once in a lifetime opportunity” and “if I don’t see how Our Lips Are Sealed ends, I’ll die. I’LL JUST DIE!”

Spoiler alert: I didn’t die. But I did harbor a grudge against my parents for days. How dare they take away the one thing that means anything to me. How dare they rob me of the opportunity to try to decipher the lack of logic behind It Takes Two.

I don’t know when my obsession with them began. Possibly while watching Full House reruns after school or maybe while watching The Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley, their musical mystery series that went straight to videos in the mid ’90s. It doesn’t really matter when it started, because once it began, it really began. I started asking for all their videos and their cassette tapes (yep they had a wonderful cassette tapes with two full sides of music). At the time I thought they were masterpieces. Although now I look back and realize that they’re not. They’re not even that talented and I guess, once they passed in to their elementary years they weren’t even that cute. They just happened to be twins who could repeat lines.

And had no qualms or social anxieties about openly selling their brother.

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    • Nancy

      I felt the same way. Although by 7th grade I was hiding my love of them lol. I’d tell everyone about their differences, too!

      I actually didn’t see all of their sleepover and mystery movies, but I did see all of their ‘big’ movies. When I was really little, I watched It Takes Two about a million times. I had the dialogue MEMORIZED. I’d recite it to myself to go to sleep every night. GAWD that’s so good to get off my chest. :)

      Billboard Dad was the shit!

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    • Sarah!

      It Takes Two, the totally plausible story of identical strangers!

      The twins separated at birth thing could have been inserted SO EASILY. One of them was an ORPHAN!!!!

    • KWalsh

      My brother and I still sing their song “Bravery… three cheers for bravery” all the time. I loooooved their movies. Especially It Takes Two. How could you dislike a movie that introduces you to Kirstie Alley?

    • Laura

      I am still a huge Olsen fan and always will be… its amazing how they transformed themselves from being not so good actors to the top of a fashion empire, winning the CFDA award! They will be icons in my book for always

    • Kimberly @ Twen-Teen

      I loved the Olsens! I got Holiday in the Sun on VHS for Christmas one year and made my entire family watch it.

      They’re still mad at me.

    • Brittany

      I grew up with Mary Kate and Ashley! I remember my favorite movie with them was How the West Was Fun!! and It Takes Two of course! haha I never cared what anyone thought about me liking them. I even had the dolls! I didn’t think New York Minute was horrible, but maybe that’s because I’m biased since Jared Padalecki was one of the male leads. :) I still love to watch their old movies, not as often as I used to, but I still love them. It makes me feel like a kid again when I dust off the old VCR and play all the tapes.

      • Natalie Zutter

        Whoa, I had no idea Jared Padalecki was in New York Minute! Now I’m actually tempted to watch. Just looked it up on IMDb, and the other guy was Riley Smith–one of those pretty boys who kind of came and went. At least Jared had Gilmore Girls and Supernatural after this movie…

    • Rachel

      They taught me how to spell pizza!

      • Jenni Maier

        They taught me that if you have a twin, no adventure’s too dangerous, no foreign boy’s too threatening.

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