Last night, The Real Housewives Of New York City were up to their old tricks…aka being ridiculous one hundred percent of the time. Last night was particularly satisfying on the Crazy-O-Meter, as we had wall-to-wall fights, revelations, backstabbing, and offensive offhand comments. In fact, there were so many ridiculous things said that we could barely keep track of them all. So here’s your simple guide to the Top 10 Most Ridiculous Comments from last night’s episode. Hold onto your Pinot-filled hats.
1. Aviva Drescher‘s husband asking about Heather Thomson‘s husband’s last name: “Is Schindler related to the Schindler’s List? From the movie?” Is that a serious question? Or in any way dinner party talk?
2. Heather, talking about her husband being Jewish: “I have not done a full conversion yet, so until I do that I will remain Jewish by injection.” Ew. Come on. Now I can’t stop imagining gefilte fish.
3. Heather, recounting a conversation she had with Aviva’s ex-husband, Barry: “Aviva’s my ex-wife…and I slept with LuAnn and I slept with Sonja.” A. Who is this guy? B. Who brings that kind of information up about someone in front of their ex-wife?
4. Heather, talking to Aviva’s husband potentially going dirt-biking with Reid: “You could lose a leg — you guys would match.” Heather was seriously out of control at this double date. The things that were coming out of her mouth were unbelievable.
5. LuAnn de Lesseps, arguing with Ramona Singer in Central Park: “What other dirty tricks do you have to pull out of your Pinot-filled hat?” I just like this because it makes me think of Ramona as a drunk magician, pulling rabbits and squirrels out of a magical vat of Pinot Grigio.
6. Ramona, yelling at LuAnn: “LuAnn, somebody has to be very evil to want to get somebody, I’m not there, I’m very busy. I don’t even have time to do my nails. Actually I do this new thing it last three weeks, it’s like a shellac, it’s pretty good. So, actually, that’s wonderful.” I have no words for the fact that she busted this out in. The middle. Of an argument.
7. Ramona, to LuAnn: “I did not threaten you, but if you feel I threatened you, I’m sorry you feel that way. So let’s go forward, let’s not talk about it.” That last part could be the Housewives motto — let’s go forward, let’s not talk about it. Absolutely nothing in the argument was resolved, but these two crazies have somehow decided they’re “moving on”? Aka we’re going to hear them each individually complain about it for the rest of the season, behavior that will be punctuated by periodic raging fights.
8. Carole Hadziwill, describing her dream guy: “I just want a man who’s obsessed with me emotionally, intellectually, and sexually.” You…realize you just described a stalker?
9. Carole, riding in her boyfriend Russ’ car (who tours with Aerosmith), listening to music he’s written: “I just like to hear the songs that are about me.” Well I guess it’s always healthier to realize the full extent of your self-absorption right off the bat.
10. Sonja Morgan, asking a question at the GLAAD event, for which she was a speaker. A SPEAKER: “What is LGBT? I thought it was bacon, lettuce, and tomato.” I have no words.
And there you have it, folks. They’ve blown my mind again with the absurd things that come out of their mouths. I’d like to say this is the dumbest they’ll ever be, but I’m sure I’ll be right back here next week saying the exact same thing. That’s the power of the Housecrazies. I mean Housewives.