• Mon, Jun 11 2012

Like Everyone Else, Suri Cruise Did Not Like Tom Cruise’s Make-Up For Rock Of Ages

Poor Suri Cruise. Not only is her mother, Katie Holmes, a stage 5 clinger and not only is she constantly competing with Shiloh Jolie-Pitt on the cover of Us Weekly, but she’s also related to Tom Cruise. Yes, her father’s that man who spent an entire movie parading around shirtless. As if it was 1993 and he still had sex appeal. Tragic. Truly tragic.

Forget “you had me at hello” and try “you had me for awhile…and then you went absolutely crazy…grew older…injected  a little bit too much botox, and honestly, I’d prefer if we could just be on smile and nod basis going forward.”

This is the Tom Cruise of 2012 and frankly he’s nothing to talk about, let alone look at. But unfortunately for everyone, Suri included, we’re going to be faced with him this weekend when Rock of Ages comes out in theaters across the country. As part of this ultimate face-off, the press is obliging him with interviews about the movie. It’s kind of them.

He told Ryan Seacrest that his daughter didn’t immediatley take to his Rock of Ages make-up.

“When I had the eyeliner and the painted nails, [Suri] was a little taken aback by it,” Cruise told Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio show Monday morning. “She was like, ‘What’s happening to my dad?’ “

While Cruise thinks this story reeks of precociousness, I think we call all read between the lines.

Suri Cruise is asking, “no seriously Mother, what happened to my Dad? I don’t care if he’s a thetan or he’s Chris Klein, but I’ve got to know who he is because I can’t take this man anymore. He’s terrible and he’s tacky and he looks horrendous in nail polish.”

 

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  • caroline

    is the writer of this page human? If so then I am gravely ashamed.

    You claim a 6 year old child is embarrassed? How? A child of that does not know about these things or the 80s style. This is not even more than the Les Grossman character or Vampire Lestat.

    You are just angry because he keeps his child around him and maybe that’s what your own parents failed at?

    • Jenni Maier

      Can you please define parents? Because my orphanage owner sometimes let me call her “mom” but I don’t think that’s the same thing.

    • nicole

      Jenni, you are my hero.

    • Jenni Maier

      Stop. You’re making me (and my legal guardians) blush!

    • Nancy

      Then this awesome website will be WAY over your head:
      http://surisburnbook.tumblr.com/

    • Jenni Maier

      That’s the ONLY site I check more than Crushable.

    • KATE

      6 year olds not get embarassed? please. my son told me the other day walking up to his school to “Stop talking to him when we are walknig next to people”. and im not some deformed trash talking bridge troll. or tom cruise.

  • Kelsey Manning

    Just more evidence to the fact that Suri Cruise is classier than either of her parents will ever be

  • D

    Tom doesn’t look good? Perhaps a visit to an eye doctor, is in order… Suri has rich, famous parents, and Tom has done some great movies. I highly doubt she’ll be bothered by anything they do; she’ll be too busy doing whatever she wants, with all that money and fame, just for being the daughter of Tom Cruise. (Tragic, indeed… Only NOT.)