Poor Suri Cruise. Not only is her mother, Katie Holmes, a stage 5 clinger and not only is she constantly competing with Shiloh Jolie-Pitt on the cover of Us Weekly, but she’s also related to Tom Cruise. Yes, her father’s that man who spent an entire movie parading around shirtless. As if it was 1993 and he still had sex appeal. Tragic. Truly tragic.
Forget “you had me at hello” and try “you had me for awhile…and then you went absolutely crazy…grew older…injected a little bit too much botox, and honestly, I’d prefer if we could just be on smile and nod basis going forward.”
This is the Tom Cruise of 2012 and frankly he’s nothing to talk about, let alone look at. But unfortunately for everyone, Suri included, we’re going to be faced with him this weekend when Rock of Ages comes out in theaters across the country. As part of this ultimate face-off, the press is obliging him with interviews about the movie. It’s kind of them.
He told Ryan Seacrest that his daughter didn’t immediatley take to his Rock of Ages make-up.
“When I had the eyeliner and the painted nails, [Suri] was a little taken aback by it,” Cruise told Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio show Monday morning. “She was like, ‘What’s happening to my dad?’ “
While Cruise thinks this story reeks of precociousness, I think we call all read between the lines.
Suri Cruise is asking, “no seriously Mother, what happened to my Dad? I don’t care if he’s a thetan or he’s Chris Klein, but I’ve got to know who he is because I can’t take this man anymore. He’s terrible and he’s tacky and he looks horrendous in nail polish.”