Real Housewives Of New York Returns, And Someone Already Lost A Leg

The Real Housewives of New York City returned last night, and the ladies already have so much to fight about that Bravo doesn’t even bother with a plot-line, anymore, they just splice all the arguments together. There was too much drama in the ninety minute episode to do a full re-cap, so I’ll try to bottom-line it for you.

First of all, even though there are three new ladies, some of them appear to have prior connections, many of them (shockingly!) dramatic. Aviva Drescher, new Housewife and cousin to Fran Drescher, used to be married to someone named Harry who is best friends with Sonja Morgan (and maybe dated her), and also briefly dated LuAnn de Lesseps, whom Aviva knew from meeting at a party after “looking at each other like attractive women do.” (LuAnn’s words.) Carole Radziwill, on the other hand, nobody knows, but everybody wants to know. She’s a New York Times Bestselling Author for her memoir on her late husband’s struggle with cancer and subsequent death, and her husband was related by marriage to the Kennedy family, so Sonja can’t believe she’s never met her before. And Heather Thomson, another new Housewife, used to work with that crazy old bat Ramona Singer, so the web that the new cast weaves is very tangled.

Deep breath. Some highlights:

Aviva and Sonja go get pedicures, where it becomes necessary (obviously) for Aviva to reveal that she was in an accident as a child that now requires her to wear a prosthetic leg. She also explains that she has at least two different types, one for wearing flats, and one for wearing heels, prompting the always tactful Sonja to say, “Well what did you come in on?Because a prosthetic leg is to be ridden. Like a horse.

Ramona hosted a dinner party at her house in the Hamptons and, ever the gracious hostess, took the opportunity to gang up on Heather with Mario to tell her that she cuts people off and interrupts them. I also immediately fell in love with Heather for responding, “That’s so interesting, because I feel the same way about you.” I suspect that Heather will be the voice of reason for me this season, now that Kelly Bensimon is gone and LuAnn has been sucked into Ramona’s vortex of drama. Heather pegged Ramona for a crazy person pretty early on, after Ramona was trying to one-up her with childbirth stories when she came to visit her office. My daughter had to have a liver transplant when she was six months old…Well MY daughter was born dead! Congratulations, Ramona. You’re winning the LifeGame.

LuAnn’s daughter also had an artshow, which surprisingly didn’t suck, and a brief brunch with the three new ladies, where she swooped in with rumors of Ramona blackmailing her and her family, then swooped out again to go meet Jacques. Speaking of whom, he got LuAnn a ring, but it’s not an engagement ring, and she says she doesn’t care, but she got really testy when everyone tried to talk about it. I don’t know. It’s all very complicated. A lot of fancy dresses, prominent cleavage, and angry ladies.

It’s gonna be a long season, ladies and gentlemen. Better get your Pinot ready.

(Image: bravotv.com)

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