The pubescent boy-children of One Direction are reportedly all gwumpy after their tour managers put the kibosh on their plans to go see Holly Madison‘s “Peep Show” strip performance during their upcoming tour stop in Las Vegas. Apparently, they have to leave right after their own Vegas performance in order to make it to a promotional appearance in Phoenix the next day, or so their meany-pants babysitter says. They never get to have any fun! Why, it’s almost as if being in a boy band is more like being a trained monkey that dances on command than a complex, growing and sensitive individual with feelings (boners).
“One Direction are not happy,” a source told The Daily Star. “The MGM chiefs offered them the works, and Holly loves the boys. She wanted to give them a special show and even get them backstage to meet all the girls.” In what was perhaps an unnecessary simile, he added, “Harry especially would have been like a kid in a candy shop.” (Harry is the group’s resident virgin.)
While “you have to work” sounds like a reasonable enough reason to make them skip the clurrrb, I think there might be a hidden agenda here. After all, boy bands are supposed to be pure and chaste. If they’re seen out partying with strippers, their 12-year-old fans might not be allowed to go to their concerts anymore. Then again, it’s important for boys this age to have some sort of sexual outlet, because without one, they might get random erections onstage, which would be equally bad for business. I propose that next time their handlers are putting them to bed, they issue each member a porno mag along with his binkie. Problem solved.
(Via Sky News)