Back in the 2000s, the Jonas Brothers ruled the playlists of Limited Too stores across the country. Tween girls everywhere bought bras 6 sizes too large just to send to them with sweet promises of letting Kevin, Joe and Nick be their first kiss. But now the Jo Bros, as they’re known by bloggers trying to sound hip and with it, moved onto bigger and better projects like hosting the Miss USA Pageant, performing on Broadway and getting married in order to lose their virginity.
While the boys left the tween spotlight to go sow their wild oats, One Direction moved in and they moved in hard. One day I didn’t know who they were and they next day I was joining in on the Twitter attacks against Liam Payne’s girlfriend.
Before you could even say, “are they even legal,” I cut my hair to match Harry Styles and I tattooed Niall Horan’s face over my heart. I’m a woman possessed when it comes to this slightly legal British boy band and I pride myself on knowing all their names. Something that not every 25-year-old can do. (Or possibly should do. Or brag about. Or put in writing and publish.)
Before Joe Jonas could even get a hand job from one last fan, his time in the sun ended. No one remembered who he was or what songs he sang or that he was once more famous than the Lawrence brothers. So he decided to do what all desperate celebrities do in their time of need, pretend like they’re better than the people who took their place.
It’s pulling the old “oh, being a famous tween idol is sooo yesterday. It’s so much easier to live in a world where 12-year-olds aren’t throwing themselves at you” schtick.
“I think they definitely want people to think they’re single. I mean, I’ve been through it you know, and I get it and I understand that it’s important.” Joe continued, ”I can always tell if they do have a girlfriend or if they don’t. If they’re like, ‘Oh, I’d rather not talk about it…’ Or they’re like, ‘I like to keep my personal life to myself,’ it’s like, ‘Buddy, your personal life is all over everywhere, what are you talking about?’”
While it’s downright charming that Joe Jonas thinks he “gets” One Direction, I think we all know he doesn’t. When was the last time someone made a 500-GIF tumblr post for him. Or even started a Twitter trend dedicated to take down his girlfriend.
The Jonas Brothers definitely had their moment of fame, but I think we all know it’s nothing compared to what One Direction’s experiencing right now. They’ve entered the Bieber-sphere of fan worship and Joe Jonas can’t even begin to understand what they’re going through. So while it’s super cute that he’s trying to name drop them in an attempt to stay relevant around 7th grade lunch tables, it’s also somewhat pointless. So why doesn’t he just do what the rest of us are doing and just play “What Makes You Beautiful” on repeat all day?