With the exception of Milania Giudice, I’m usually unimpressed with the general behavior of every single cast member on Real Housewives of New Jersey. I never finish an episode wanting to know them in real life. I’m never like, “I wish I could get drinks and manis with Caroline Manzo and Kathy Wakile!” It’s more like how can I marry a Laurita without a pre-nup and steal all his money in the divorce without getting murdered by the mafia? (I already confessed my crush on Russell Brand this morning so I feel totally comfortable telling you guys about all my celebrity fantasies. Hope that’s cool!)
So that’s why last night’s very special LGBT episode pleasantly surprised me. As much as I hate all these people, they’re actually open and accepting of their gay family members. Will wonders never cease? (I hope not because I have a personal goal of using that expression in every single post I write this summer. Like what if one day we wake up and Hoda’s announcing on The Today Show that wonders have officially ceased? I can’t even think about.)
We kick off this touching episode in the Wakile household. I usually fast forward through all Wakile scenes because I find them to be boring and lackluster. The most exciting thing about the family is the fact that no one addresses the fact that Kathy constantly sports a deer in the headlights look. It’s at the point that I think deer text that photo to each other and are like, “ohhh that’s what we’re supposed to look like. Duly noted.” But this week’s Wakile scene featured fan favorite Rosie Pierri, Kathy’s lesbian sister who’s never really talked about her sexuality on the show before.
She opens up to Kathy as well as the kids about struggling with her decision to come out and her fears about her family not accepting her. The moment when she officially tells Victoria and Joey about coming out as a lesbian gives me so much wonderful hope for our country’s future. And never in the history of recapping television have I ever had the opportunity to type that sentence before.
The only question Joey has for Rosie about being gay is along the lines of “do you have gaydar?” That’s it. Nothing like, “ew, gross” or “how do you feel knowing you’ll burn in hell’s eternal fires for this decision?” Just a basic question from a teenage boy who doesn’t actually seem all that interested in the news.
This next generation, the generation’s that’s grown up threatening Justin Bieber’s girlfriend on Twitter, doesn’t really care if someone’s straight or gay. No one gets more average and humdrum than the Wakiles. So if they’re okay with it, I’ll go ahead and assume the average American family’s also okay with it. Pretty neat, right?
Meanwhile, over in the Manzo compound, Caroline Manzo talks about going to her brother Jaime Laurita’s wedding in Chicago. He’s finally marrying his longtime partner of 13 years, Rich Long, and she’s flying out with her family, Jacqueline and Chris, and in a move that makes me think Bravo producers tampered with the invite list, Teresa and Joe Giudice.
Apparently Jamie’s friends with Teresa Giudice. How this woman maintains friendships with anyone not contractually obligated to spend time with her is beyond me. But sure. Let’s go with this and act like Jaime actually invited Tre. Who wouldn’t want her and her oafband Joe Giudice (just made that word up, thoughts) at their wedding.
So Teresa and Joe hop on the wedding plane with the rest of the crew. Before leaving for her trip she assures everyone that she and Joe love the gays. Despite what we’ve heard Joe say about gay men over the past few seasons, he loves them. He loves them so much he feels comfortable making super classy jokes to Greg (Chris and Albie’s gay roommate) about him having the loosest butthole. Yep, that happened. In front of everyone.
Caroline keeps her mouth shut, but I’m 99% sure that there’s currently a hit out on Joe Giudice.
Okay, so not everyone on the show’s open to treating gay people like human beings. But at least Joe’s attending the wedding, right? At least he’s trying to make friend with Jamie and Rich by talking about his own personal teenage gay moment. Say what? Let me explain. It will make 1% more sense after I tell you what he said.
So Joe wants to show off how much he loves the gays by telling a story about the time he and his friend measured each other’s penises back in their boyhood days. It’s the anectode equivalent of tattooing a rainbow flag on your forehead. That’s what Joe’s trying to say. He’s had his gay moments too. Why Jamie and Rich didn’t respond with a fun anecdote aboug the time they had a “financial disaster moment” where went 11 million dollars into debt surprised me. It would have been such perfect timing.
But Joe Giudice being an asshole aside, Caroline Manzo truly loves her brother Jamie and it’s so clear how happy she is for him. It’s almost as touching as her son Chris talking about why he supports gay marriage. After all, he reminds us, if we did everything the bible told us to do we wouldn’t eat shrimp. And god knows Chris loves his crustaceans.
Like I said about when talking about Joey’s response to Aunt Rosie coming out, this attitude from a young guy who aspires to open up a stripper car wash one day makes me burst with hope for our future. And it’s not only Chris Manzo who openly accepts gay relationships.
Even Joe Gorga’s cool with Aunt Rosie being a lesbian. Yes, Joe Gorga. A man who truly believes it’s a husband’s responsibilty to talk about his sex life at least once per episode.Sure, he handles Rosie’s interest in women like a teenage boy who just saw Mischa Barton’s lesbian kiss on The O.C for the first time. But still, he accepts it. That means his children will grow up accepting it and when they’re the adults making the laws (that generation not the Gorga children. Please God, let the Gorgas never get into politics), gay marriage won’t be an issue. Or so this episode makes me believe.
Good work RHONJ! You made me actually, almost like you this week. Keep up the good work!