Because it wasn’t my turn to take one for the team, I didn’t watch the MTV Movie Awards last night. However, I did watch some photos of people’s outfits on my computer screen, and they’ve already told me more than I need to know about the proceedings. Here’s a sampling of what I think went down, based solely on red carpet photos.
Charlize Theron continued to be great and funny and flawless and awesome, as well as the only thing making people over the age of 13 want to see Snow White and the Huntsman.
Kristen Stewart changed back into Converse immediately after this picture was taken.
Elizabeth Banks let her stylist talk her into yet another terrible outfit. At least this one didn’t have a vagina sneeze guard?
As per ushe, Leighton Meester messed with diehard Gossip Girl fans’ sense of reality by dressing and acting nothing like Blair Waldorf.
Jessica Biel symbolized her desire to lock Justin Timberlake up in the shackles of marriage by wearing ankle cuffs and a sexy hospital gown, because what is love but a padded cell of the soul?
Mila Kunis forgot her pants on purpose, then made fun of herself for forgetting said pants, flashing her no-no bits all the while. It’s like your fun dude buddy took over a hot girl’s body, you guys!
Russell Brand did something super obnoxious, but not obnoxious enough to kill Jenni Maier‘s inexplicable attraction to him.
Everyone took a bunch of cheap shots at Vanilla Ice…
…Which was a shame, because it distracted from the mockery of two massively more desperate fading stars named Paris and Nicki, compared to whom he is Einstein, Beethoven, and fucking Brangelina, all rolled into one.
(Via Getty Images)