Dina Lohan is a special lady. Special in that every time I’ve almost forgotten that she exists, and that she and Michael Lohan jointly raised the unholy terror to our rehab centers that is Lindsay Lohan, she pops up again and reminds me.
This time she’s wormed her way onto a new VH1 show called Hollywood Exes, which is theoretically about women who used to be married to famous people, like Prince, Will Smith, R. Kelly, and Eddie Murphy.
However, if I may point out for a moment — Dina was never married to anyone famous. I’m sure if she could have married Lindsay, she would have, but she couldn’t, so she didn’t. She married Michael Lohan. A man famous for being a bad father. Who went to jail, who speaks out about his daughter and his wife. The subject of Lindsay’s ground-breaking song “Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)”. So, using the Transitive Property:
- Michael Lohan was never famous.
- Therefore, Dina Lohan was not married to someone famous.
- Therefore, Dina is not a Hollywood Ex.
- Ergo…what the hell is she doing on this show?
And don’t get me wrong, I don’t object to this show based on its concept. I’m all about trashy television, and I’m glad VH1 is getting back into the mix. It’s been too many years since Flavor of Love graced my TV screen, and even though I know the world can never top that show, I don’t mind it trying. I just don’t like Dina Lohan pretending that she’s famous for anything other than being a lackluster mother.
In better news, even VH1 is apparently aware of how ridiculous she is, and hasn’t offered her a role as an actual cast member, she’s just been invited to guest star because she’s friends with some of the other cast members, and producers want her to “spice things up”. Read: start major drama.
Okay, VH1, but don’t come crying to me when Dina overdoses on self-tanner and ruins your show. Because I guarantee she’s already planning it.