In Classic John Mayer News, He Flirts By Quoting Fifty Shades Of Grey

Remember that time John Mayer disappeared for two years to de-douche himself in Montana? Well within weeks of re-entering our heathen society, he’s re-douched himself. (And that fulfills my douche-usage quota for the day. Thanks John!)

He went on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon this week and revealed his latest pick-up technique.

It’s not okay. So just know that before you read this that you will not be turned on by what he says. Because it’s skeezy. And trying really hard. Not very Montana Zen at all.

So here goes.

He picked up 50 Shades of Grey and sang a page. SANG A PAGE! Yes, we all know he can sing. But why would he think singing an erotic bestseller translated into an aphrodisiac. That’s so juvenile. And he’s 34, so shame on him.

Luckily for womankind, his lady-of-interest did not respond by ripping off her clothes and willing her boobs to grow 6 sizes bigger. No, in solidarity, she fell to the floor laughing.

Good job mystery woman!

And bad job John. Picking up the BSDM novel doesn’t suddenly turn you into Christian Grey and her into Anastasia Steele. If that’s houw reading popular fiction worked, I’d be halfway through Hogwarts by now.

Sounds like someone needs to go back to Montana and re-zen himself. This isn’t the way I expected him to act now that’s he a mature recording artist. What’s next? John showing sideboob on the red carpet? I can’t bear to think of it.

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