In case you were going about your life feeling inferior to Harvard University graduates…I have some bad news. You have to continue feeling that way. Because Andy Samberg gave the speech at Harvard’s ‘Class Day’ yesterday. Which is I guess what super fancy Harvard humans call ‘graduation’. Which is dumb — at my super fancy Ivy League school, we call graduation ‘Commencement’ like normal people. (Oh and don’t ask me the name of my Ivy League school. It’s so fancy that you won’t have heard of it. On an unrelated note, I didn’t go to an Ivy League school.)
ANYWAY. Andy Samberg was their speaker, and he spoke for 21 minutes and 36 seconds, with his serious talk words of wisdom beginning at approximately…nineteen minutes in. Which is what you have to expect of Andy, if you book him as a speaker, but I also wonder if any of the parents or donors were bothered that he wasn’t a little more…inspirational, shall we say?
Andy started his speech by walking onstage to ‘Someone Like You’ by Adele, embracing the kid who introduced him…and then kissing him full on the lips. Which the kid let happen because come on it’s Andy Samberg. Andy did make note of the fact that he’s not the traditional person you’d expect to be giving the speech, since previous speakers have included Mother Theresa and Bill Clinton, or, you know, actual Harvard graduates, saying, “I am as honored to be here today as I am unqualified.” He also later referred to himself as “the fake rap weiner songs guy,” so it’s safe to say he knew what was up.
Other highlights of the speech include a list of majors that are officially useless as of the day after their graduation, which he said the ‘Real World’ had asked him to pass along, and which I will reproduce here for your benefit: “History, Literature, all things related to Art, Social Studies, East Asian Studies, pretty much anything that ends with ‘Studies’, Romance Languages, and finally Folklore and Mythology. C’mon guys.”
Andy also delivered some ‘advice’ from Mark Zuckerberg, Mark Wahlberg, and Nicolas Cage, giving himself a chance to get some impressions in, slammed Yale for a while, and then warned the graduates about the economic climate for a while, following up with the reassurance, “…but don’t worry, I went to [UC] Santa Cruz, and then I went to film school, and I’m rich.”
Finally, he got down to it and gave some actual advice, telling the graduates:
“Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to take chances…whatever it is you try, make sure it’s what you really want to do, because the only person who knows what that is, is you.”
When it all came down to it, though, he said he was really only qualified to give three simple tips (which I somehow didn’t see coming):
- Cut a hole in a box.
- Put your junk in said box.
- Make her or him open the box.
…And that’s the way you do it.