• Wed, May 23 2012

The Ridiculously Named Phillip Phillips Wins American Idol

Phillip Phillips wins American Idol! After enduring the exhausting two-hour season finale tonight we can all sleep restfully knowing that a new American Idol winner reigns supreme. (And then wake up in fits of horror when we remember that we contributed to Ryan Seacrest’s continued career success.)

Before we even got to the winner this years, we got to see past Idol winners perform solos and duets and triads and quadricycles and quintuplets together. As someone who gave up on the show during the second season, this provided a wonderful opportunity for me to catch up on the 8 seasons I missed. Oh and Aerosmith performed along with assorted other celebrities.

After the reunion wrapped up we finally focused on what mattered. Your newest American Idol. The name that will be on everyone’s lips tomorrow. And then never again. Because now that we have 11 whole idols, who can really keep track and who can ever live up to Kelly Clarkson’s voice and Adam Lambert’s eyeliner?

No, after we forget their name, they go live in a house in the Catskills where Fantasia Barrino cooks breakfast and Ruben Studdard does the dishes. And Lee DeWyze makes the beds. Yes Lee DyWyze. Am I the only one hearing that name for the first time ever?! Oh and Taylor Hicks does nothing but watch Lifetime movies all day. That’s just his thing.

But tonight we celebrate Phillip Phillips. Congratulations! May no embarrassing photos surface now that you’re famous and may you always remember where you got started.

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