• Tue, May 22 2012

This Is The Closest You’ll Ever Get To Sleeping With Leonardo DiCaprio

So let’s say you’re still nursing a crush on Leonardo DiCaprio. Sure the guy’s put on a few pounds since the Seavers took him in as a foster child and sure he’s experimented with facial hair in the last few years, but he’s still Leonardo DiCaprio. The man who made you first realize that love is real and love is worth sitting through What’s Eating Gilbert Grape in the 5th grade, even though you’re not really sure you get it and you’re not really sure why Johnny Depp makes you feel slightly uncomfortable.

Even if you’re not still head over heels for the guy, you’d probably still sleep with him for nostalgic reasons, right? I would. It’s the same reason I would sleep with Freddie Prinze Jr. For old times sake. And to fulfill a promise I made to myself at a 7th grade sleepover that I would do whatever it takes to make these men mine.

Well, I can’t offer Leonardo DiCaprio or his supermodel-been-there-seen-that penis to you. But I can share with you all the details you need to know about renting his Malibu estate for the summer.

According to Zillow.com:

The property holds two homes: the main house is 4 bedrooms and faces the ocean, and a side, detached guest house has an additional two bedrooms. According to the listing description, the home was recently updated.

That’s right. You can sleep in the same room that Leonardo DiCaprio slept in. If all the forensic knowledge that I gained from watching endless marathons of Room Raiders is anywhere near true, remnants of Leo are most likely still in the house.

What does this mean for you? Well, if you have $75,000 and you’re looking for a fun getaway that will make a great Facebook status, you can rent Leo’s house for a month this summer. Yes, you can update your Facebook status every single day to “Just slept in Leo’s bedroom.” What more could you want out of $75,000?

Besides of course to actually sleep with Leonardo DiCaprio.

He probably had sex on this very table!

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