Following his failure to obtain a Guinness World Record for “shortest concert ever performed,” rock and roll banner carrier Jack White has announced his (satirical) intentions to set a new record for “Most Metaphors In A Single Concert.”
What? Let’s back up a bit. Recently, an interview came out in which Jack White criticized the Guinness Book of World Records for failing to count the White Stripes’ 2007 one-note performance as the shortest concert ever performed, calling the Guinness people elitist and arbitrary. Then, yesterday, the Guinness folks came out with a statement saying that the White Stripes had, indeed, been awarded a record in the 2009 edition, but that the record for shortest anything was omitted from subsequent editions, because they realized it was sort of absurd. “The nature of competing to make something the ‘shortest’ by its very nature trivialises the activity being carried out,” Guinness told NME, but added, “Many of us at Guinness World Records are enormous admirers of Mr White’s oeuvre…We would be extremely pleased if he were to attempt any of the 40,000 records that are currently active on our database.”
Well then! Jack White has never slept on a chance to do something weird, so he’s released a humorous press release announcing her intentions to set a record for “most metaphors in a concert.” Here’s some of the press release:
The attempt may prove very exhausting and at times even dangerous, but the results could prove to be glorious and possibly even vainglorious. White and Third Man Records are certain that the extremely scientific and intricate analysis of the metaphors that occur will be examined in accordance with Guinness’ usually very thorough methods probably, or at the very least if somebody answers the phone at the pub.
Third Man Records encourages all attendees of said concerts to please not interfere or interject with any metaphors that they witness occur during the show as to not disqualify or worse yet, trivialize the metaphor in question. In addition all concert attendees are encouraged to entice as many metaphors to occur during the show that they possibly can as long as they don’t endanger themselves or Mr. White.
Good natured satire, or pissy comeback? Or could it be an honest declaration of intent? With numerous solo tour dates coming up this summer, I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough.