You would think that Syfy would let Piranha 3DD sweep through theaters on June 1, with its deadly armies of razor-toothed creatures and the promise of all the naked breasts and torn-apart bodies in glorious 3-D. But instead the network has decided to shove out its own take on the “deadly amphibious creatures” genre lickedy split—and it shows, as Piranhaconda looks like a low-grade porno with special effects dropped in from iMovie.
Piranhaconda was made in 2011 and stars a bunch of barely-recognizable actors who look like other stars. So if you squint, it’s almost as if Rob Lowe and Diane Lane are the adventurers who wind up on the receiving end of this part-snake/part-fish’s wrath. Adding to the amateur-porn feel, the snake apparently spits up its eggs onto the female cast members’ ample bosoms. Yeah, it’s that kind of movie.
And if you have basic cable, then you don’t have to pay anything for it when it comes out on June 16th. You’ll probably laugh just as much as if you had coughed up the $15 for a movie ticket, so good job, Syfy.