I Need This Miley Cyrus Blind Item To Be True Because I Want Liam Hemsworth To Break Up With Her

Rumor has it that Miley Cyrus is getting so desperate to stay in the spotlight that she’s resorting to increasingly ridiculous stunts to keep the media interested. You know who’s even less interested in her than the media? Her boyfriend Liam Hemsworth. HA! HA! HA! Manicial laughter ensues.

My apologies in advance for what is going to sound like an irrational post based on nothing but rumors and middle-school-level horomones. But please bear with me, because there’s a hot Australian at stake and I think after you hear me out, you’ll also cross your fingers that this bind item turns out to be true.

So after I finished reading the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and the entire 1985 collection of Encyclopedia Britannica this morning, I thought it was only fair that I indulge in a little  blind gossip reading. And ooo boy, I found a good one on this wonderfully humid day!

Her career has waned (1), but this girl isn’t willing to sit back and see other young performers take any headlines away from her. Lots of antics in the past couple of months, each one that should be accompanied by the caption “Hey! Look at ME!”

Significant Other starring in a movie? Upstage him on the red carpet! (2)People talking about how good looking he is? Wear (or don’t wear) something that creates a photo frenzy! (3) He scored another big acting job? Create a rumor that you are in contention for a big TV job! (4) His brother is having a baby? Adopt another pet! (5) Your movie flops? Get another piercing or tattoo! (6) Not cool.

Her hunger for fame and need for constant attention is exhausting everyone, especially her Significant Other. Word is that he is looking for the exit door.

This is so clearly Miley and Liam that I could die, go to Heaven and come back via Chris Hemsworth’s wife’s womb just to spend more time with Liam. Need more proof? Let’s run through this together. Please follow along with me using the numbers that I’ve so helpfully placed in the above blind item.

1. Miley Cyrus most definitely has a waning career. Her movies continue to flop and she’s best known now as a classic Vanessa Bayer character on Saturday Night Live. Did you see LOL last weekend? Probably not considering that only 3 people on average saw it during each screening.

2. Liam Hemsworth not only just starred in a movie, but he starred in The Hunger Games — one of the most talked about movies this year.

3. Remember when she showed up at the  LA premiere of The Hunger Games wearing a midriff baring dress that got plenty of attention? Even back then people theorized she showed up in that not-dress-dress monstrosity to steal attention away from Liam.

4. On January 5th Liam Hemsworth landed a role in the upcoming film Empire State. On January 20th rumors start that Miley Cyrus is up for a role in the Sex and the City prequel. Interesting timing right? As of today, Liam’s casting is confirmed, Miley’s casting is not.

5. Chris Hemsworth and his wife just had a baby this past weekend. And as you probably have already heard Miley adopted TWO dogs with the past two weeks.

6. Miley’s movie LOL flopped in a HUGE way. And her old nose piercing re-emerged this week in a huge way. Need I say more?

So there you have it. A graduate school thesis level analysis showing you why this blind item could very well be true. And if this blind item is true, then that means Liam Hemsworth is about to give ole Miley the heave ho. Fingers crossed!

(Photo: Hollywire)

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    • Maggie

      Def her! I also read a blind item a long time ago basically saying that she had secretly hooked up with his brother at one point, and recently his brother told reporters he doesnt think miley & liam have a real future together…animosity!

    • Maggie 2

      Oh Jenni I so agree, Liam Hemsworth is way too sexy to be stuck with Miley “Obnoxiously Big-Gums” Cyrus.

      And cue the trolls telling us to kill ourselves.

    • melody

      wow!! who wrote this article was very genius..can you make more blind items,maybe something about yourself…wait,maybe i will,because i read also a blind item it seems like about you,i hope its not true,that you are really really really good person…

    • Dee

      Well rest assured, if he breaks up with her… he sure as HELL won’t be dating you sweetheart!! ;)

      I think this is funny because blind items are the MOST illegitimate gossip out their. Their so defamatory with lack of evidence that they don’t even mention the actors names. Why? Because they would would get sued if they did with some of the things that they suggest. It saddens me that the end to someone’s relationship would bring you pleasure, but it gives me hope that Karma is most definitely a bitch…

      And about Miley starting rumors about herself… Lmfaooo, why? When people like you do it for her all the time?!

      • Jenni Maier

        1. I’m confused by your use of the wink face. It makes me feel like you’re saying he WILL be dating me.
        2. You don’t see how any of the points I made line up with the actual facts? I didn’t make up Miley adopting dogs or putting her nose ring back.

      • I think..

        that one way to look at these kind of comments is that it is a compliment filled with awesomeness. They are essentially telling you that you belong in the same stratosphere of even remotely having a chance with his scrumptious man banana. At least that is how I see it since they may be trying to slam you all ironic like.. but you can always do some Fox News worthy spin on the comment and make it a positive. C:

      • Daniela

        I hereby pledge to attempt to insert the term ‘scrumptious man banana’ into as many future conversations as possible. (Pun most definitely intended.)

    • gie

      SUBJECT: Liam H. & Miley C.
      Blind items, rumors, dreams,desires,&etc… is IMPOSSIBLE.., am, sorry to shutter all those blind items,rumors, dreams,desires & etc…CAUTION : This is not a blind item…, FOR IN THE END, THE “FUTURE” ( unfortunately for those desires, dreams& etc..) BELONGS TO LIAM HEMSWORTH & MILEY CYRUS, BOTH OF THEM CANNOT SCAPE WITH EACH OTHER, as hard as they may try,it is FUTILE, it is called,”LIAM & MILEYS’ DESTINY…” seen their chidren already… onceagain, am,sorry to all…

      • Jenni Maier

        Professor Trelawney?

    • gie

      My goodnesss, am i correct ? -it seems to me that and others thinks too that ” AUTHOR” of the story above is so in love with Liam H. – oh ding! The sad part is, unless the THE EARTH WLL FLIP…BABE,you don’t have a chance. I’m not kidding when i say, MILEY CYRUS & LIAM HEMSWORTHS’, cannot help it – THEIR FUTURE ARE BOUND, Whether – we like it or not – believe me when i say,i don’t like it too, but my dream is for Mliley to do more music w/out delay – i think L. H. is part of the delay. SO BABE, BETTER START PRAYING NOW THAT EARTH WILL FLIP,OTHERWISE – You we can watch their future together if – you don’t believed me. SEEN IT…

      • Em

        You are bat-shit crazy.

    • g.potter

      Of course two celebrities that are dating are going to have gossip that coincides.

      Anyway, she’s only 19 and clearly going through a rough time. Don’t wish bad things on her.

    • harlow

      hahahahahahaha, you legend!! I love this!

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    • smiler

      If you mean that SHE is with HIM, just because of fame. you are SO confused. They are a REAL couple that love each other. And everyone can see it. Miley doesent need him for fame and he neither. They are the best couple ever and if you cant accept this, then dont talk agains her.

    • smiler

      AND HE DOES NOT WANT TO LEAVE HER. HE LOVES HER. BYE.

    • Me

      HAHAHA they’re engaged. Dumb post.

    • Cool chick

      Are u serious they are engaged and she is maybe pregnant n he is the father so boom

    • l3ehindblue3yes

      Hun, I am not a Miley fan and yes I do agree with you, Liam Hemsworth is a very attractive guy, but you do realize that the photo you have was taken during the making of their movie, the last song. If you disagree, look at the cover to the movie. I never have seen it but I can tell that much. Also your reasoning is awfully callow. Going by your theorisation me giving birth to my Child on Dec 26 was to take some of the glory away from Jesus Christ. It’s along the same lines. It was a funny article though and it did make me chuckle.