On May 9th my heart stopped beating for approximately 1992 seconds. I didn’t know why until just now when I saw that’s the day Josh Hutcherson tweeted out that he just had surgery to fix his broken nose. Why 1992 seconds? His Twitter handle is JHutch1992. Yep, JHutch1992. Love knows no bounds when it comes to the stars of The Hunger Games.
Let’s all just be thankful that his Twitter handle isn’t JHutch1993, because then I would be dead. Everyone knows your heart can only stop beating for 1992 seconds without dying. That’s just a medical fact. I couldn’t type it if it wasn’t true.
Yesterday the star was spotted leaving a doctor’s office in Beverly Hills with a clearly bandaged nose. While his rep confirmed that his nose is broken, he won’t tell anyone how it happened. Classic Hollywood mystery.
Luckily for all the Crushable readers out there I watched every single direct-to-video Mary-Kate & Ashley Mystery movie ever made. So it’s fair to say that my sleuthing skills are on part with the best musical detectives that exist. After some deep mediation and careful consideration I’ve come up with the following 5 scenarios that would explain Josh’s broken nose.
1. He was running scenes from Catching Fire with co-star Jennifer Lawrence. They decided to do a little ad-libbing and developed a scene where Katniss punches Peeta in the face for burning her toast. Jennifer Lawrence, a woman of obvious superhero strength, got a little too into the scene and broke his nose.
2. He started a fight club with Liam Hemsworth and Chris Hemsworth. Let’s just say that if you think Josh looks bad, you don’t want to see Liam. Miley’s adopting 6 dogs a minute for a reason. She can’t bare to look at her boyfriend’s mangled face.
3. Amanda Bynes hit him with her car while “not” drunk driving. Forget what the breathalyzer said, she doesn’t even drink. Not her, not now.
4. He’s jealous of all the attention that The Avengers is getting now and broke his nose to get back in the spotlight. It worked. No one even remembers what The Avengers is about. I think it’s a Nicholas Sparks movie, but I can’t even be bother to google and confirm that.
5. Dina Lohan kidnapped him to figure out how he went from successful child actor to successful adult actor. When he admitted that his secret involved talent, discpline and mentally stable parents not intent on profitting off their child, she pushed him down a flight of stairs.
While I’m struggling to narrow down these 5 options, I just know that one of them contains the truth. What do you think about my theories? And by think, I mean which one do you think is true? I do not mean, “do you think I made them all up?” Because I didn’t. I investigated all the possible scenarios and come up with these 5 likely options.