• Fri, May 11 2012

Someone Call The Police, I Think Mischa Barton Kidnapped A Baby

I’m trying to remain calm as I type this article. But it’s hard to do that when I’m on hold with Detective Benson and Stabler. Mischa Barton is posing on the cover of Twelv Magazine’s debut issue holding a baby. A REAL LIVE NAKED BABY.

Considering that fact that the magazine spells its own name wrong and the fact that no parent would ever optionally hand their precious child over to Mischa Barton, it’s pretty obvious that she  kidnapped this innocent baby for the photo shoot. I don’t know if this is some kind of statement about the way The O.C killed off Marissa Cooper or she’s just trying to get some of Charlize Theron’s good new baby juju, but it’s not right.

The actress turned non-actress poses with the baby on the cover wearing some kind of 1940s nurse garb. Making me think that’s the exact disguise she used to sneak into the hospital and poach that poor baby. I’m sorry your career died in a fiery car crash that Ryan was unable to stop, but that’s no reason to ruin other people’s lives.

And serioulsy shocked, nay appalled, that people aren’t making a bigger deal over this scandalous cover. They get all worked up because a 7th-grader breastfeeds on the cover of Time, but they don’t blink an eye when Mischa Barton shows up with a baby.

Somewhere out there, parents are missing their child. I hope Twelv sells enough issues to make this kidnapping worth it.

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