• Thu, May 10 2012

The Many Ways ONE Crushable Commenter Wants Me To Die

A little peak at what comments look like from the backend ;)

While most blog editors dream of developing a loyal community of readers who comment daily and positively on their posts, I always fantasized about finding one special commenter. The kind of commenter who would read my posts daily and take the time to craft multiple identities on the site so he can effectively get his point across.

Well, dreams do come true here at Crushable.com. By the end of my first day, I inspired one reader so much with my article about Demi Lovato’s mother, that he pledged to return to the site every single day. At first his comments simply pointed out my stupidity, my tendency to write like a retard invalid and my inability to graduate from high school. (And considering I have a third grade literacy level, as SuperCommenter pointed out, it’s a true inability to graduate.)

But then, like the shining star I knew him to be, he started taking more time to really write quality messages. He started developing a persona for each of his many pseudonyms and started to surprise me with the graphic nature of his comments. Of course Crushable readers had no idea that each one of his many names shared the same IP  address. But luckily I did and that secret, that wonderfully delicious secret, bonded us on Crushable for life. So Miss Common Sense, James, JoeChief, Jack Frost, Skyer (he’s a shy one, doens’t comment as much) and the newest little guy 1D Fan, this post is for you. All you buddy. May we forever correspond over shared memories of you getting blow jobs from my mother.

Recently he (or you, if your Google alerts went off and you’re reading this) decided that calling me a retarded invalid was not enough.  He decided to take his obvious adoration for me to the next level with daily options on how I could best kill myself. I suppose it’s the mindset of “if he can’t have me, nobody can.” It’s sweet and scary and romantic all at the same time. Just like The Notebook. If all of Noah’s letters to Allie contained inspired suicide options.

Just because I’m an Internet bully, doesn’t mean that I’m completely heartless. That’s why I took each of the these wonderful options for suicide as a love note. A love note from my most beloved reader who uses his many names to agree with himself on posts. He’s truly charming in that Ted Bundy kind of way.

So with no further ado, here are the many ways I could choose to die this year. If you all have a preferred method, please do weigh in! Oh and IP Address 74.105.161.14 (last number hidden for your safety!), let me know what you think. I do eagerly await your opinion!

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  • Kimberly @ Twen-Teen

    what a freak! it’s scary that he had that much free time..

  • Vera

    do you think he is going to stop now that you dedicated him a whole 3 pages post? I had a very similar problem on a site I used to own. I have no idea how they have so much hate for people they don’t even know…

    • Jenni Maier

      Nope! I broke the number one editor rule. DON’T FEED THE TROLLS. The more you feed them, the hungrier they get. I eagerly await the new IP address though.

  • Lindsay Cross

    Jenni! You shared the secret of the IP address? I always loved seeing commenters who post under multiple names to try to make it look like someone agrees with them. I guess it’s their only way to get someone to say that they’re right. I hope my repeaters don’t see this!

    • Jenni Maier

      Trust me, I debated for so long whether to reveal our biggest secret to the world. My apologies to all your multi-identity commenters.

    • Eileen

      I’m pretty sure anyone seriously dedicated to being an internet troll already knows about IP addresses…and certainly anyone who’s ever managed any kind of internet board does ;)

    • Lindsay Cross

      You know Eileen, I would think so. But I’ve seen people who run their own private blog that don’t seem to understand the whole IP address thing. It’s really amusing.

      And Jenni, given the craziness you’ve been subjected to, I guess we’ll just have to forgive you. I have dreamed of calling out commenters like this. You did it superbly!

    • Cori

      I sometimes use a different name, but it’s mainly because my birth name is distinctive enough for crazies to track me down with it. Sometimes I don’t care and use it anyway.

    • Amy

      I didn’t even know that was a thing people did!

  • traci

    hehe that was awesome~ but kinda scary girl!! sad someone has that much free time. and yeah the IP address was a VERY nice touch! :)

  • JWalker

    Basement dwelling internet trolls.

    That’s all I have to say.

  • Dr. Cheese

    I think I may have the proper diagnosis for this kind of psychotic behavior…after all, I am a doctor

  • Hillary

    By the way, I read Crushable every day, and I like it a lot.

    • Jenni Maier

      Thanks! And thanks for reading and not feeling compelled to tell me to die! Truly appreciated.

    • Cori

      Me too! The reading, I mean, oh and also the liking. I don’t want anyone here to die, how else would I have known One Direction existed? Seriously, I only know them through Crushable posts. I am reassured as well that this is just one angry crazy person. I was starting to wonder how they were all finding the site.

    • Jenni Maier

      I’m so so happy we were able to introduce you to One Direction!

  • Cee

    Eh sometimes you do write shitty articles, it happens. You can’t please everyone and can’t ALWAYS produce the best work. Just, like everybody else in their own respective field.
    But see, once you post your two cents, its over..move on. People should go to Nordstrom and buy themselves a pair of shoes…which is what I will do right now and probably forget about this because shoes and well life in general are much more appealing. Sites like these are for fun, when you have opinions about shit or need a break from the boring moments of work and school…then you find shit to do and move on. This guy is just sad…his virginity/cheeto stained fingers are very obvious in all the investment he puts on this.

    • Amanda Chatel

      “virginity/cheeto stained fingers” — I’m stealing this line!

  • Larissa

    Holy crap, this actually makes me really relieved (sorry Jenni!) BECAUSE I kept seeing all of those different usernames posting awful things, and I would always think, my god, there’s a lot of fucked up people in the world. It makes me feel slightly better to know there’s less psychos in the world then i thought! But frankly, i’m a little scared for you. That shit must take hours…this is one sick pup on our hands. Props for cleverly calling him out though! This is massively satisfying.

    • Jenni Maier

      I don’t think he’s a sick pup. He’s just in puppy love, right? Or am I being too much of a mush??

  • sam

    I like that you’re taking this with class Jenni. But this person is seriously disturbed, I really think it should be reported to the police. On the internet it’s not doing physical harm, but if someone is acting like such a psycho stalker with all of these morbid scenarios they could very well be mutilating animals and stalking girls in their neighbourhood…

    • sam

      plus, it’s so disturbing and thorough have you ruled out that it might be some psycho that knows you irl?

    • NotThumper

      I was thinking something similar. I’d be surprised if this person DIDN’T have something mentally wrong with them. Scary!
      If I were you I’d definitely send this along to the cops…

  • Fabel

    Whoaa, I always wondered why posts here had such vicious comments. I’m both relieved and disturbed that it’s just one person commenting under multiple names?

  • Cat

    LOL this was amazing. I can’t believe people have that much free time and dedication to something so ridiculous… and obviously by people I mean Demi Lovato’s mom. Because clearly she is this secret antisocial troll.

  • Sloane

    I actually think there’s a bigger issue/lesson here. We talk blithely about internet bullying at the school age level, but here is a perfect example of a bully who’s forgotten to grow up. If we’re going to teach our teens how to handle bullies, we need to model the behaviors for them. You have done a great job highlighting this psycho’s behavior. But the repercussions should be more serious. Bullying is bullying, regardless of whether the “victim” is even-tempered enough to deal with it with humor.

  • Maggie

    Hahaha! Yes! Good job Jenni, that weirdo seriously needed to be called out. I can’t count how many times I’ve seen one of his personas comment on an article and thought “What the hell is wrong with this person?” Especially with the terminal illness stuff… it’s pretty sad.

    For what it’s worth, I’m glad you didn’t take his advice ;) LOL

  • Megan

    Jenni, this is pure brilliance right here. Loved every second of it. As for your crazy internet stalker….I hope (s)he reads this and feels like a complete fool.

  • Amanda Ernst

    I agree with some commenters earlier that more serious action should be taken against this guy. It’s scary when you have your name and persona on the Internet. The scariest thing is when he’s talking about what you look like — clearly he’s done a little research, although I disagree with his assessment that you look like you’re in your 30′s.

    So, any plans to ban this scary guy from commenting altogether? Would the police go after a cyber bully?

  • dani

    One word: LOSER!

  • Jaye

    Well, if you did off yourself, he would be one bored MFer!

  • Amanda Chatel

    Dearest Jenni:

    I love you and I love this… however, this person (if we can even call “it” that) is seriously fucked in the head. Just reading all those comments back to back made me reach for a Xanax! I agree that something should be done about this person… and that something is the cops. He (or she) clearly wants you dead!

    As someone who’s also been told I should die because of some of the things I’ve written (AND looked up the ip addresses, too), at least it was never at such a rate from ONE completely psychotic person… unless of course they could jump from West Virginia to Michigan in 20 minutes.

    So Jenni, sweet, dear Jenni… can we at least agree that if he continues you’ll do something, please? WE HAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN DRUNK TOGETHER YET.

    xo.

    • James

      I never SAID I wanted her dead lol. But I gotta admit this was a well played little game here Jenni. You know how to play a card when you have one. And you did a good job. If you want me gone, I’m gone.

      I owe you that since you had enough to post my ip address. Kudos to you for that. I mean it. I guess that means I’m gone. Well then adios Jenni.

    • James

      You can relax. I got called out. I won;t bother you guys anymore. Seriously though. Impressive

  • Frances

    I had a creep-o who I know in real life who decided to stalk me online after he had a business disagreement with my husband and they stopped being partners. He tried to do SEO stuff to ruin my good name and eventually took pictures of my kid and threatened to shoot me and her to death. The police had to get involved and even to this day he still pops up every once in a while. Sometimes this crap can get very serious, so I hope you get rid of this douche for good.