Oooo acid. Sounds painful, but I’m intrigued. Also, as always babe, thanks for looking out for my family’s finances. I would hate, hate, HATE to make them spend money on my funeral.
Hmm, slitting my wrists. Seems so standard, you know? I may be a hack writer, but I am NOT a hack suicider. What’s next!?
Oh wow. Now we’re talking. Jumping off the Empire State Building without a parachute. It combines adventure, tourism and my inevitable death. I like where your head’s at on this one.
Oh what do we have here? A basic heart stoppage. It’s simple, but just not me. You know?
Bullet train, you say? I do like travel! Is there a discount for pseudo-intellectuals? If so, SIGN ME UP.
Here he is playing games with my heart. One day I should kill myself, the next day I shouldn’t. I can’t keep returning these nooses. The good employees at Suicide R Us are going to start getting suspicious.
And here comes Miss Common Sense to my defense! I love the way he puts asterisks in for the word bitch. Such a gentleman. Swoon.
Oh wait, let’s dial back the non-suicide-comments from Miss Common Sense. Here’s a long one! Thanks for supporting me Amy, but truly I should probably just eradicate myself stat. It would be for the best. James is righ. Very righ indeed.
And I saved the best for last. A few terminal illness deaths that are a little hard to contract. But for James/Joechief/JackFrost/Miss Common Sense/Skyver/1D Fan, I’ll try my hardest!
So there you have it. All my options laid out so very nicely. Thank you man with many names, I will forever be grateful for your continued support of my hack writing career. As soon as I earn that GED, I’ll send it to you. All of you. Wink face.
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