• Wed, May 9 2012

Another Scandal Bites The Dust: John Travolta Provides Proof He Didn’t Molest Masseur

Bad news for scandal seekers: John Travolta provided proof that he didn’t molest that masseur in Beverly Hills. Apparently he has a receipt from a NYC restaurant that proves he wasn’t even in Beverly Hills on the day he allegedly grabbed the masseur’s penis, proposed double penetration on an anonymous actress and masturbated openly on the massage table.

TMZ (obviously) has a copy of the receipt:

Ugh, right?! Proof’s the worst when it comes to scandalous massages. Is it so horrible that I wanted this to be true? That I wanted something to believe in again.

It really is just such a shame because I was so prepped for a big celebrity scandal. Something that would give me a reason to stay up all night, constantly refreshing my browser and tweeting out breaking updates. After all my prayers and rain dances for a quality spring shitshow, I really thought this could be it.

I mean, it had everything that makes up a quality scandal: sex allegations, double penetration propositions, denial press releases, gay rumors and a lawsuit. What more could we want in life?

In promising news, another masseur stepped forward yesterday claiming John Travolta exposed his anus to him by spreading his butt cheeks during the massage. I know, I know you are very welcome for that lovely visual. So there’s still hope for us yet for this to explode into a scandal of epic proportions.

An innocent blogger bystander can only hope.

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