Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would get to type out “John Travolta penis massage scandal” for a work assignment. But thanks to an upcoming sexual battery lawsuit filed by an anonymous masseur, I’m now lucky enough to get to type it out as much as I want.
You know who’s not so lucky?Everyone involved in this upcoming lawsuit, from the actor John Travolta to his wife Kelly Preston to the unidentified masseur pressing charges. Considering that we’re talking about Danny Zuko here and there’s a lot of money at stake, this case is going to grab headlines. At least for the remainder of this week. So rather than tuning out and trying to pretend like John Travolta’s off playing house with Kirstie Alley and their talking dogs, read up on what you need to know to stay in the loop.
Warning this loop involves some graphic talk. So take heed.
1. An unidentified Hollywood masseur is suing John Travolta for sexual battery, assault and intentional infliction of emotional distress. He wants 2 million dollars plus punitive damages.
2. Radar Online reports that on January 16, 2012 John Doe Masseur attempted to give John Travolta a professional massage at The Beverly Hills Hotel. However, according to him, John Travolta touched John Doe’s penis, insinuated that he wanted more than a standard massage and appeared to have a semi-erection. After John Doe explained that he’s not that kind of masseur, John Travolta started masturbating and talking about a Hollywood starlet upstairs who wanted double penetration. Naturally, before the double penetration could occur, John Travolta would have to have sex with John Doe so two could sync up.
3. Obviously John Travolta, via his rep, denies this entire incident. Apparently he can prove that he was actually on the east coast on January 16th, which would make it impossible for this entire incident to have occured.
4. According to John Doe, John Travolta’s penis is approximately 8 inches long. Need more info on his crotchal region? Try this on for size. He has wiry, unkempt pubic hair. And those are two things I’m guessing you never wanted to know about John Travolta. You’re welcome.
5. Not only did John Travolta allegedly molest this masseur, but he also revealed that he got to where he is now by performing sexual favors back in his Welcome Back, Kotter days. Then in a Mel Gibson-esque type statement, he said “Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity.” Yep, he said that. It’s the anti-Jewish cherry on top of a scandalous sundae.
So there you have it. The 5 most fun facts about this unfolding scandal. Feel free to discuss any of the 5 facts in just about any setting. Work, class, home, Mother’s Day brunch. There’s really no reason not to debate this entire scandal openly and publicly.
Sandy must be sooo proud.