A Guy Says: Patricia Krentcil, The Woman Who Took Her Five Year Old Tanning, is a Hero

This week, the whole world is up in arms about 44-year old mother Patricia Krentcil for reasons that I don’t understand. If you hadn’t heard, Ms. Krentcil is the New Jersey mother who took her five-year-old daughter tanning only to be arrested on second-degree child endangerment.  This situation is despicable.  How dare this woman be labeled a bad mother?  What we should be calling her is an American hero.

A lot of people are saying that Ms. Krentcil should have her daughter taken away from her.  They’re saying that taking your five-year-old daughter tanning is a perfect example of terrible parenting.  All of those people are totally off base.

Taking your five-year-old daughter is really a great example of wonderful parenting.  Isn’t parenting all about preparing your children for life by giving them confidence in themselves?  Ms. Krentcil is doing just that.  We all know that pale five-year-olds are ostracized in kindergarten classrooms.  They’re called, “loser,” and “ugly.”  If you don’t take your five-year-old tanning you’re subjecting your child to years of being chastised and that makes you a bad parent.  Unless your standard for good parenting is a lifetime of shame and misery.  In that case, I guess you’re an awesome parent.

Plus, Ms. Krentcil would go tanning with her daughter.  Clearly, these tanning sessions were beautiful moments of mother, daughter bonding, which means that anyone criticizing this poor women is also criticizing the love between a mother and her children.  And that’s the purest love in the whole world.  I can’t believe so many people hate pure love.  That’s the disgusting part of this story.

And, I agree with Ms. Krentcil’s response to her critiques.  According to TMZ, she said her critics were, “jealous, fat and ugly.” She’s so on point.  When you’re under attack by the entire country for being a bad parent the worst thing you can do is sound contrite and apologetic.  That won’t win you any fans.  As we all know, nothing gets you more sympathy than belittling people who disagree with you.  And if you disagree with that then you’re old, stupid, and pale.

The only legitimate criticism you can really make of Ms. Krentcil is that she didn’t go far enough.  We should be keeping our kids’ cribs in the backyard where they can tan all day long.  Or, better yet, prenatal tanning.  When a woman’s pregnant, we can shine a light up where the sun don’t shine.  Nothing says beautiful newborn girl like a pink blanket and lightly tanned skin.  I don’t think we’ll have trouble getting that one passed.  I believe they have similar laws in Virginia and Arizona.

Parenting is perhaps the hardest thing to do well, so when a great parenting job comes around, we need to embrace it.  We need to hold it up as a shining beacon of humanity, not tear it down as a shame.  And, by shining beacon, of course I’m referring to the tanning bed you should be taking your toddler to right now.

You can reach this post's author, Harry Barron, on twitter.
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    • Karyn Gray

      I hope this was in sarcasim. This is the most rediculous thing I have ever read. If this is not to be sarcastic Harry Barron is an ignornant BASTARD!

      • Quack

        You’re an idiot.

      • Harry Barron

        Thank you Quack. Unless you’re talking about me.

      • mm

        Nope Quack was for sure talking about Karyn Gray. Harry, you’re funny. Karyn, I have no words.

      • Amber

        Thank you! Karyn, you got it, not only is this man an arrogan Bastard but probably a lonely fat chomo!!

    • mm

      I lied, I do have words. Please spell sarcasm, ridiculous, and ignorant correctly when you’re anonymously insulting people on the internet while simultaneously completely missing the point of their article. That’s just embarrassing.

    • Taylor

      I babysit a a little girl in kindergarten and never once when I ask her about school does she say anything about being called a “loser” or “ugly” or anyone else who has been called such names. This IS an example of bad parenting. In most states a person has to be over 16 1/2 years of age to go in a tanning bed due to the risks of skin cancer. For a FIVE YEAR OLD, there are far greater risks involved. Such as, damaging the cells that are involved with puberty. She could end up starting her menstrual cycle at the age of 8 instead of 13-16 as a normal girl. Or she may damage all the cells that work those organs and never have a child to call her own. Now is this really good parenting? No, it is not.

      • caroline

        Um, this was a satire. Sense the tone.

    • Jessie

      The author of this is INSANE! Insane.

    • Amy

      It’s articles like this that makes America have a bad reputation. This is totally false as well. And Taylor is completely right as well what part of all this is good parenting?!?

      • Amy (In Canada)

        It’s commenters like you that give America a bad reputation.

        SATIRE. Idjit.

      • Harry Barron

        What’s satire? I don’t get it.

    • Amber

      This Author must be related to this woman, if it wasn’t her herself that wrote it! You are Insane! not only insane but a Complete Idiot!! This is Horrible Horrible parenting! Burn your child for what the world may potentially scrutinize for!? How about instilling confidence in your child for being who they are, not who you can change them into! My children aren’t always tan, but i have taught them to love who they are because how they are is Perfect regardless of what people like you may say!

    • Amber

      Let me re-phrase that one more time, Arrogant Bastard!!