• Tue, May 1 2012

Morning Sickness: Octomom Will Make Masturbation Porn

Every time you think Octomom, known in foreclosure circles as Nadya Suleman, hits rock bottom, she manages to do something even more appalling than before. This week’s make-you-vom-a-little news? She’s going to make solo masturbation videos to bring in a  little extra money for her 900 children. Because that’s apparently a sex tape that people want to see.

As you may recall, Octomom promised us she would never give up her integrity for porn. While you might think she’s chocking on her words now, she feels totally comfortable with her decision. TMZ reports that she thinks it’s not porn, if  it’s a solo mission.

Well I don’t want to debate the semantics of masturbation porn this early in the week, I think we can all agree that masturbating on camera is a little porn-y. It’s not like she’s being filmed as part of a research study. She’s getting filmed while performing sexual acts. I’m not going to Urban Dictionary it, but I really believe that’s the simple definition of porn.

While I don’t want to take a trip too far down Octomom’s memory lane, I do want to point that she’s clearly getting increasingly desperate for money. Last time she icked us out was when she posed in her underwear on a magazine cover. Although we had hoped the money she made from that risque photoshoot went straight into a therapy fund for her  kids, it apparently just went to Brazilian blowouts. Because when you’re kids are starving and pooping in the backyard, the most important thing is that your hair look good.

If she’s already to the masturbation porn part of her three-ring circus money-making extravaganza, we can only fear what must come next in her fundraising plans. Hopefully something that will coincide with her children getting a lifetime supply of free therapy.

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