• Mon, Apr 30 2012

New Releases From Usher and Rihanna: I’m Not Mad, I’m Just Disappointed.

Usher and Rihanna, both one-named wonders, have something else in common: they both came out with new material in the last couple days. Usher debuted a new song ‘Scream‘, and Rihanna came out with a video for her song ‘Where Have You Been‘.

OHMYGOD GET EXCITED. Or don’t.

Let me start out by saying that these artists are two of my guilty pleasures. I like more of their songs than I would prefer to admit. Rihanna is single-handedly responsible for the fact that I went to the gym in college. I ran on the treadmill while listening to her album so many times that even now whenever I hear the song ‘Umbrella’, it always gets me slightly winded.

That said, this isn’t either of these artists’ best work. Neither song is particularly bad, but neither one of them has a very strong hook. Of the two, Rihanna stays in my head more, but only because I can’t really remember anything from ‘Scream’.

It’s kind of the same scenario with the video. It’s a lot of scantily-clad tribal looks where Rihanna reminds us that she has a nice body and hopefully no formal dance training. I encourage you to watch the dancing parts. They are very odd.

Bottom line, they’ve both done better work, and these aren’t particularly good songs. Decidedly ‘meh’. But don’t worry, I have a solution! Play them both at the same time (everybody loves a mash-up, right guys?!), and then by the laws of logic, the two ‘meh’ songs will combine to make one mega-ultra-pop-song that’s twice as good. And bonus — the Rihanna video is fifteen seconds longer than the Usher song, so if you have an Usher paper doll handy (and I know you do), you can use that time to make him dance in front of the screen while Rihanna gurgles up from the water like a swamp monster. An extremely hot swamp monster.

You’re welcome.

(Image: bakedbeanzy.com)

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