And I was shocked. Shocked that I hadn’t thought of the comparison first. Because that is exactly who Ashley is trying to be. The messy blonde hair, the weirdly bright makeup, and that perpetually hungover attitude. Unfortunately for Ashley, she got the “bottle of jack” lyric confused for “bottle of NyQuil” – one of the wonderful revelations she imparted to Albie on their trip to the airport was that she once “took a straw to a bottle of NyQuil.” Ok there, Ashley.
Surprise, surprise, Ashley missed her flight. Apparently, she’s terrified of flying. But it’s a recent development. Another thing she told Albie? “I never knew planes could crash until I saw the movie Cast Away.” Don’t worry though, Ashley made it out of Jersey eventually. I know, I’m confused about her reluctance to leave, too.
The close second for best moment of the episode is Melissa Gorga’s high school mean girl jab at Teresa Giudice. Jacqueline invites the whole gang over for a party on the day that Ashley is supposed to leave. She walks in just as the party is starting though, and Joe Gorga shows his inner 14-year-old boy with a priceless “oh shit” smile.
But the best part comes when Teresa makes a big “apology” to the group about the things she said in her cookbook. Everyone else tries to awkwardly ignore Teresa, but Melissa Gorga is not about to go out quietly. After Teresa’s stilted speech is done, Melissa says, “We’ll take one for the team so you can make a little extra cash, it’s fine.” Ooh. That was good. And it kind of made me respect Melissa Gorga in a weird way. If you’re going to make jabs at someone like that in your private interviews (as she does), you might as well say the same things to their face.
And now you’re wondering: where’s the part about how Joe Gorga carried Melissa off toward the bedroom at the end of the episode? Don’t worry, I left that out intentionally. No thanks.