Burning Question: Did A Koala Give One Direction Chlamydia?

Get your gyno on standby stat because our favorite baby-faced boys of One Direction might be in need of a crucial STD test. Just days ago the band innocently picked up a koala for an innocent photoshoot to make innocent 12-year-old girls fall even more in love with them when things took a horrifying turn for the worst.

Kat the Koala, known around its Brisbane sanctuary for “hugging” lots of other koalas, peed on Liam Payne and Harry Styles for no reason. Ugh, wild animals. They think they’re ready to handle the lights and cameras of fame, but then they go and pee on international superstars. Have they no shame?!

Honestly does this koala, this marsupial, thinks she’s going to get an agent after this little incident, she’s sadly mistaken. There are thousands of koalas that look just like her, and they can handle taking a photo without urinating.

After Harry and Liam found out that 80% of koalas carry chlamydia and that Kat the Koala had a reputation for hanging out with the 80%, they freaked out for fear that they contracted the STD. While the odds of that are extremely low, we can’t help but worry about Harry and Liam’s health. As well as Kat the Koala’s morals and values. May God help all them.

 

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    • Jack Frost

      Please inform us when you get a terminal disease. That would be news worthy on this site. Knowing that one of their hack writers was diagnosed with a lethal is the best thing for humanity. So please contract Aids, Terminal Cancer, any one of those is fine really :) good luck in immortalizing yourself as a mediocre “Journalist” jenni :)

      • James

        I would opt for a nice brain tumor. A good solid inoperable brain tumor that would eat away at her intelligence. Then again there probably wouldn’t be much difference from the Jenni Maier who is a bumbling idiot to the Jenni Maier with an inoperable brain tumor drooling like a moron…who is also a bumbling idiot.

        In that aspect, what you see is what you get lol.

    • Concerned Aussie

      Burning question? Here’s your burning anwer: I’ve seen soooo many articles about One Direction and the fear of contracting Chlamydia from koala wee. I really wish the reporters would do their homework. C.pecorum is the organism found in koalas (and can only be transmitted through sexual contact) and only causes disease in animals. The sexually transmitted disease in humans is caused by C.trachomatis, a completely different species of Chlamydia. The rumour originated from a silly comment by a Brisbane radio host and obviously freaked out the group and their fans a bit. Please do your research before adding fuel to an ugly, misinformed fire.

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