According to an article at Radar Online, Kris Humphries wants to know if Kim Kardashian‘s new relationship with Kanye West is being fabricated for publicity.
Well, um. This seems like an easy one, and I don’t want to get tripped up by a trick question or anything, but YES, YES SHE IS.
I just…I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Kris Humphries, so I’m gonna try to lay it out like a logic puzzle:
You were involved with this woman. At the time of your meeting, she already had a reality show, and she continued to film said reality show throughout your whirlwind courtship, proposal, and marriage. You were, I hope, aware at the time that your every interaction with this person (and with the various and sundry members of her family) was being filmed. I hope you were also aware that subsequent to being filmed, that tape was not saved in a dusty shoebox somewhere for posteriy, but instead transferred to a facility where it was edited, separated into episodes, and disseminated to millions of people on national television.
That was your life with Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries. So at this point, do you really need a lawyer to investigate her new relationship and see if it’s for publicity? Spoiler alert: it is…because everything in her life is for publicity. At this point, the Kardashian name is virtually synonymous with the word. I’ve never even met these people, but I know things about them that I don’t know about my closest friends. For example, I know that Kim lied to her sisters about why she canceled on them because I watched her do it. I know that the family worries about Robert’s alcohol intake because I watch them do it. And I know that Kourtney Kardashian physically yoinked the baby out of herself while she was giving birth because I watched her do it. These things are all on film, because this is a family that takes their most intimate moments and publicizes them. And while I can’t tell anymore if it’s mentally insane, or genius, or both, they’ve certainly made a business (not to mention a shitload of money) out of it, so it’s not really a secret anymore, Mr. Humphries.
And to be fair, I don’t really know what’s going on here, because I have no connections to these people…BUT. Typically, when I’m with a guy and I don’t want anyone to know about it, I don’t wear his initials as earrings and hold his hand when we’re photographed leaving my brother-in-law’s restaurant together…where I was just filming my reality show.
But that’s just me. Good on ya for trying to get to the bottom of this reality quagmire, Kris Humphries, and I hope you’re psyched for the three new seasons of ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ that your soon-to-be-ex-wife and her family just signed on to do…out of the goodness of their hearts.
…and $40 million.