Joe Millionaire Will Not Be Getting Any Furtive Blowjobs In The Woods Considering What He Looks Like Now

Joe Millionaire Evan Marriott then and now curly hair

Remember how deliriously bad Fox’s Joe Millionaire was back in the day? This was one of the first reality shows that I can remember being built around a deception: Construction worker Evan Marriott pretended to be a wealthy bachelor, learning how to drink wine and lying to the female contestants. He ultimately bagged Zora Andrich, and once he told her his true identity she said she loved him anyway, allowing the couple to take home $1 million. (But of course, they broke up after filming ended, because that’s how reality-TV love goes.)

Evan was kind of cute, in a beefy, Tarzan kind of way. But then BuzzFeed found this screenshot of what he looks like now, and the years have not been kind.

Joe Millionaire then and now goatee wtf

THAT GOATEE. What could have possessed him to grow that on his chin? I don’t think he could pass for anything but “washed-up reality star” by now; his IMDb profile reflects that, since his last big roles were reprising the Joe Millionaire persona on Miss Castaway and the Island Girls in 2004 and appearing as himself on 1 vs. 100 in 2008.

My favorite scene from the series has always been when runner-up Sarah Kozer seemed to take Evan into the woods for an illicit blow job: We heard her say, “Let’s go somewhere quiet,” and then subtitles like [slurp] and [suck] while the camera was trained on the dark woods. In writing this article, however, I discovered that the Joe Millionaire producers freely admitted to “frankenbyting” the scene out of other footage. So now I’m really disappointed.

This promo makes me feel a little bit better:

Photos: Snakkle, BuzzFeed

Share This Post:
    • F.

      Now ‘Joe M. ‘ Is HOT! I could do without the chin coat. ‘Before’ he looked like a goofy kid.

      • Jenni Maier

        I think we could all do without the chin coat!

      • Theskyver

        Well I know one person who we could do without. You jenni maier. Someone said that you should catch the “bullet train” to the land of irrelevancy. Frankly I feel that this would be your best option to ensure your status as a second rate writer for a second rate gossip site.

        Think about it jenni. Suicide to ensure your mediocre legacy as a pseudo intellectual hack blogger on a lame gossip site? I’d say go for it!! ;)

      • Fern

        forget your rage disorder meds again Theskyver? wow…stay on schedule will ya?!

    • stephanie morosi

      He used to look as good looking as that Dean who played Superman but he looks average now. Nothing to fight over.

    • Thor

      Theskyver, crawl back under your rock, and don’t come out until you have something useful to say. Your words are articulate, your message subhuman.

    • Fern

      i remember when this show was on…he could have made a great living as a model. believe it or not I don’t think he had the smarts.