Secret menus carried an almost mythical quality when we were growing up—the thought that you could stroll into your local In’n'Out Burger or Jamba Juice and order something that no one else knew about was enough to make you delirious with power. I was always too afraid to do so, thinking I’d somehow get the name of whatever I wanted wrong and the employee would just stare at me with a mix of confusion and pity on his/her face, but I did enjoy my friends’ Animal Style burgers and White Gummy Bear smoothies, and they were delicious.
And now, it appears that there is a fairly new secret menu at Starbucks that is being disseminated online. As BuzzFeed said, this changes everything. I’m fairly snobbish about where I get my hot drinks — and I’ve never liked coffee — so I make an effort to stick to New York’s independent coffee houses instead of pouring money into the Starbucks corporation. But now that I’ve seen these decadent choices? I might have to stop by every once in a while.
The ones that most caught my attention were the Captain Crunch (please can I have it) and the Chocolate Pumpkin, but there seem to be selections for every point on the coffee spectrum. These combinations sound like they were devised by a ten-year-old on a sugar high, but we’re not complaining.
Of course, with something like this you always have to question the veracity. At best, this is an inter-company memo written by a fairly young employee, thanks to the inclusion of “THIS.” at the end of the description for The Nutella. But the fact that the person misspelled “Frappucino” from one line to the next has me thinking this could be a fake. Furthermore, several commenters on BuzzFeed who claim to have worked at Starbucks say that they’ve never heard of these combinations, that they’re far too complex to expect fast-moving Starbucks employees to do without delaying everyone else’s normal orders.
But a girl can dream, right?