Between wearing 19 pounds of metallic-smurf-blue eye shadow on her eyelids and prancing around the stage in some kind of ill-fitting rock ‘n roll leotard, Christina Aguilera stole the show on The Voice last night. Her performance of “The Fighter” combined with her outfits during the contestant interviews made me her new biggest fan.
One second she’s playing leather face in the judging chair, the next second she’s asking questions while wearing some American Eagle type button-up shirt. It’s amazing. It’s like this show is just a brief break in her regular routine. She doesn’t prepare, doesn’t iron her clothes. She just shows up, does her stuff and then goes back to doing whatever it is she does. They really should eliminate the talent portion of this show and just rename it Xtina is a Hot Mess.
Every week they can have her do her make-up in the paint section of a Home Depot, go tanning on the surface of the sun and then perform live. After seeing her do just one performance, I’m convinced it will be a hit. A smash sensation. Especially if she’s actually smashed while the show’s filming. Considering that she already borders on incoherant during The Voice now, I don’t think that will be a problem for her.
Cee Lo can be her sidekick and Blake Shelton can do the Carrie-Bradshaw voiceover every week that tells us what Xtina learned. Oh and Carson can be…Carson can be the occasional ’90s flashback guest star. I think that’s generous of me to even offer him a recurring role.
And Christina Aguilera can be Christina Aguilera. It’s a role she already plays so wonderfully well that I wouldn’t want her to change a thing.