The Most Creative Ways That Britney Spears Fans Want Me To Suffer And/Or Die

Britney Spears fans death threats Crushable

A consistent insult I got was that I was “jealous” and “bitter” because I don’t write for The New York Times or another more reputable publication. But as Jenni pointed out in her post on the easiest fans to troll, we didn’t come to blogging because it’s some consolation prize for not making it big in print media. This is what we want to do, warts and all. So no, I won’t be offing myself anytime soon.

On the bright side, Xmond spelled my name right. Another commenter called me “Natilie Zutter,” as if intentionally misspelling my name might drive me to tears.

Britney Spears fans death threats Crushable

Am I correct in assuming that I’m a fart in this scenario? Interestingly, several people in the comments thread referenced Britney’s lily-white ass, as well as Lady Gaga‘s p*ssy that I’m apparently licking even though I made no mention of her in the article.

Britney Spears fans death threats Crushable

This is my favorite of the bunch. Mostly because Liam started out saying he would stay classy, yet proved himself to have the most overactive imagination of all the commenters. At first I thought the bumblebee line might be a reference to The Hunger Games‘ tracker jackers, but alas, it’s probably just a reference to spring. (Plus, you’d think my time in the Hunger Games fandom would protect me against death threats like these.)

What’s most upsetting about this strange online abuse is that I’m a huge proponent of internet fandom, having found friends and creative fulfillment through fan fiction when I was these commenters’ age. And while we were devoted to fandoms like Firefly, we never advocated attacks on non-fans. Believe me, we got our fair share of mockery for being dedicated to Firefly – which wasn’t popular in the mainstream at all back in 2002 — but we took that criticism on the chin and instead focused on the positive aspects of the fandom that united us.

The fact that these Britney fans — Britney’s Army, I’ve heard some call themselves, or Spearleaders — take pride in ganging up on a writer who, by their esteem, doesn’t even work for an important publication, is incredibly disturbing. Fandom should have an inward focus, not an outward one.

There’s also the matter of age. Britney fans, I invite you to let me know how old you are in the comments. I’d be curious to find out if the people calling for my death are kids, as I assumed, or older than that. The vehemence of response has me skewing it younger, but I’m interested in learning if the converse is true.

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    • Cheeky

      Ah, to be a woman with opinions on the internet. You always seem to interact with such lovely people who, even if they might disagree, treat you with the utmost courtesy and respect.

      But srsly, of all things, Britney Spears? Hahahahaha

      Kids these days.

    • @randy3419

      yo fatass, your mom is a nasty little skank-whore

    • Jessie

      Hey Jenni, congratulations! You’re a celebrity now! (who else can get death threats besides a celebrity?) I agree with your article about Britney being the has been. She used to be so cool and I used to be her fan. It’s not that she’s not cool now, well, she’s still got dancing and all, but her previous charms are gone already.

      • Jessie

        oops, sorry, Nat, I got your name mixed with Jenni here…