Chris Brown’s fans, known collectively as Team Breezy, have the hardest job on the Internet — defending the most vile performer to ever beat up his girlfriend and still perform. If you write a post about Chris Brown that implies he beat Rihanna, that Rihanna didn’t deserve it, that he’s unrepentant, or that he threw a chair through a window, they will attack you. Facts and photo evidence be damned.
Why? Because as they’ve told me again and again, I’m a talentless nobody. Rihanna forgave him so I should too. And most importantly, I’m not God, so who am I to judge?! Save that ish for the lord.
Sidenote: I don’t know the lord personally, but unless he has a personal vendetta against Rihanna, I don’t think he’s on Team Breezy.
Comment from the article: Chris Brown’s Comeback Makes Me Sick
Taylor Swift’s most vocal fans unfortunately live in a constant state of denial where they truly believe she’s pure and innocent. Therefore they must defend their sacred virgin whenever a mean bully on the Internet attacks her. Several commenters informed me this year that her song “Mean” is about people just like me. While I’d love to take credit for inspiring a hit song, I doubt that’s true. Like this commenter said, T. Swift doesn’t even know I exist.
The most common insult from Tayor Swift fans? I’m jealous. I’m jealous she’s successful (without having to take her clothes) while I’m just a hack blogger who has to write horribly cruel posts about an innocent girl. Or to put it more succinctly, I’m a bitch.
Comment from the article: I Think It’s Time For Taylor Swift To Grow Up
Demi Lovato’s fans are a real team of legal eagles. They touch on the fact that I’m a vapid excuse for a human being and then move right on to the slander and defamation charges. According to them, I’m going to be sued for all the lies I print. But before I get sued, I’ll be fired when my boss realizes what I wrote.
While a lawsuit and unemployment both sound scary, it’s not as scary as the astute analysis they did of my twitpic. Apparently you can tell just by looking at that photo that I’m trying way too hard to be cool.
Comments from the article: Demi Lovato’s Mom Might Be Worse Than Dina Lohan