• Thu, Apr 12 2012

The Easiest Fans To Troll Online

The first lesson you learn as a blogger is that every single commenter on the Internet hates you. You’re always wrong, you’re always jealous, you’re always ugly and you’re always going to live in your parents’ basement while all the celebrities you write about go on to be more successful than you can ever hope to be.

That’s just the nature of the Internet. For every wonderful article you write, a random person with a hotmail address will dissect it sentence by sentence and tell you what a horrible person you are — and they’ll tell you by using their/they’re/there incorrectly throughout their comment. And if you’re lucky, they’ll mix in a few numbers, but that’s only if some1 really cares about you.

After writing for the Internet for 3 days, it becomes instantly clear which celebrities have the most loyal fans. The fans who will attack you for anything that’s not a glowing review of their idol. The fans who will not present any kind of coherent response to what you wrote, but instead attack your character, your career and your name. Yes your name. Commenters love to start off an argument with provocative statements like, “who is JENNI MAIER to judge? Some poor journalist who wants to work for the The New York Times, but now writes shitty articles online!”

For the record, despite what commenters may say about me, I never aspired to be a hard-hitting fact-checking journalist. This is not a last resort career for me and I’m not sure why they’re so insistent on accusing me of this epic career failure.

Rather than go home and cry in my pillow because I’m not successful (as some commenters have suggested I do), I now write posts with these extra-excitable fans in mind. They all have their own unique brand of insults and they’re all wonderful at keeping my ego in check.

So with no further ado, please meet my favorite fans to troll.

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  • Kait

    Oh man, this is awesome. Make this a regular feature. Once a month, Jenni trolls fan comments.

    • Miss common sense

      Why? She’s not even that good of trolling her own own comments. I think I can do a better job seeing as how this ignoramus seems to have a huge reading impediment.

    • traci

      i agree! this was the best thing i have read all day!

    • James

      “i agree! this was the best thing i have read all day!”

      I found the list of ingredients on a cereal box more enlightening. But for unintentional laughter coming from Jenni’s ignorance and the “tens” of her fans (thats me being nice by the way) it was pretty amusing to be showcased on her article. I feel all warm and goeey inside :)

  • Katrina

    I find it so great that you troll these people. There is nothing worse than people who defend someone/something they have never met/have no relation to and don’t realize the celebrity doesn’t give a crap about anything except their money and the boost fans like that give to their ego. Better yet is most of them move on to the next big thing and forget what they were once so passionately defensive of.

    • Miss common sense

      Katrina the hypocrisy in your statement truly makes me laugh. I like how you say that there is nothing worse than people talking about someone or “something”(apparently according to you, you can meet a thing…alright) that thy have never met, yet you clearly defend someone who is ding the exact same thing. And the reason I don’t say “defense” cause If you really think about it you’re no different than the obsessive fans who constantly talk about their favorite pop stars. Are you not giving them more attention and exposures by bitching about celebrities you can’t stand yet can’t stop talking about them for the life of you? Jenni why can’t you have smart readers?

    • James

      I love the nonsensical comments that come from the fans of crushable. It’s almost like you guys take pride in this hypocritical idiocy of yours. It takes a real invalid to say “I hate people who talk about celebrities they like” yet then go on the defense towards a celebrity gossiper who, by in large is doing the exact same thing by giving their bank roll and ego a boost. Bravo Katrina. It takes real hard work to be as stupid as you are :)

    • Jacksonville USA

      That awkward moment when some internet idiot complains about celebrity supporters yet can’t stop talking about said celebrity for the life of them.

      You know anyone like that Katrina? A contradicting bitch who claims to hate celebrity supporters yet they them selves continue to talk about them, give their already growing career and extra boost and add money to their growing bank roll? Hmm?

  • Miss common sense

    Really? Legal eagles? That’s the best you can come up with when trolling a group of fans? I mean I know you lack the mental capacity to come up with something a little more witty and I know that your dream of being a shameless Perez Hilton rip off depends on your second rate knock off snark level, but come on kiddo. Put a little effort into these articles of yours. I’ve read more versatile articles coming from freshmen high schoolers.

    Also you are aware that slander and defamation are one in the same right? So I don’t know why you said one would be facing slander and defamation charges. (I will ignore the fact that you completely misread the entire post and spare you embarrassment of having the reading comprehensions skills of a kid diagnosed with ADHD.)

    But you would think that an Internet smart scene kid with a cheap 15 dollar hair perm, wearing knock off ray ban sunglasses while having their equally idiotic friend take a generic profile picture with their overpriced smart phone, behind a wall with some pseudo trendy writing on it, while striking a pose that screams “look at me I’m cool!” would be a little more word savy in their posts. Then again that would imply that you actually had general intelligence to speak of. So yeah.

    But I do want to thank you for advertising my wonderful rebuttal towards your laughably stupid article. Now everyone can see how mentally inept you truly are :) ooooh this is fun!

    • James

      “I’ve read more versatile articles coming from freshmen high schoolers.”

      That would give the implication that Jenni Maier has a highschool education. That’s giving her too much credit don’t you think?

  • James

    “i agree! this was the best thing i have read all day!”

    Well personally I found the list of ingredients on a cereal box more enlightening. But for unintentional laughter coming from Jenni’s ignorance and the “tens” of her fans (thats me being nice by the way) it was pretty amusing to be showcased on her article. I feel all warm and goeey inside :)

  • Facepalm Response

    I disagree Jenni. I think calling you an idiot is a just and coherent response to your self contradicting ramblings. Considering the fact that you list blind gossip as a reliable source. Only an idiot would do that lol

  • Jacksonville USA

    Here’s a tip Jenni. If you’re going to call out other people’s grammar skills, the least you can do is to make sure that your own grammatical prowess is intact. Last I checked the word “commenters” is incorrect. It’s “commentators” to talk about a group of “commenters” or commentaries. If I were you, I would invest in a copy of ms word. Since you spend most of your pointless existence on the internet and all. Just saying.

  • Facepalm response

    “Apparently you can tell just by looking that photo that I’m trying way too hard to be cool.”

    Well to be fair I’ve modified this statement from “your photo tells me that you are trying to had to be cool” to “you’re photo, lack luster writing skills and pathetically vapid and shallow web site tells me that you are trying to hard to be cool.” 

    This ain’t mean girls kid. And you’re not Regina George :)

    But thank you for referencing me in your “article” I think my verbal skills surpasses that of an average celebrity supporter :)

  • JoeChief

    “I find it so great that you troll these people.”

    Well this should be interesting to read.

    “There is nothing worse than people who defend someone/something they have never met/have no relation to and don’t realize the celebrity doesn’t give a crap about anything except their money and the boost fans like that give to their ego. Better yet is most of them move on to the next big thing and forget what they were once so passionately defensive of. ”

    Well how about people who talk about the celebrities they seem to have a problem with on a daily basis in a public manner? Cause it’s not like these articles bump up their exposure more to the public or anything right? I mean whoever heard of a celebrity getting monetary funds from PUBLIC exposure? Its not like their career depends on publicized reports or anything like that right? Oh wait they do? Never mind.

    Also I wasn’t aware of this Katrina but I didn’t know that you could meet a “thing”. Like someone else pointed out here, couldn’t Jenni Maier have smarter supporters?

  • Jeff

    I don’t normally read celebrity gossip blogs, in fact I hate them for the most part. But I have to say the comments destroying this so called “author” makes it all worth while :). That’s the only reason I’m here.

  • porkchop

    This article is pretty funny, but combined with the comments, it is blowing my mind. I may puke from laughing.

    Harry Potter is a trolling feedback loop. The books congratulate him for being bravely confrontational and fiercely loyal, so as a fan, you get to feel good about angrily defending him.

    • James

      I think your puking might come from the fact that you probably ate something rotten in your moment of ignorance. I understand how a rotten egg can look edible. I mean I don’t cause I’m not an invalid like you but…I pity your ignorance. tsk tsk tsk.

  • Amy

    Well, you all got trolled. Again.

    Pretty sure she only wrote this piece because she knew you would read it and leave a comment. Most people are drawn to articles that have heaps of comments… so you’re increasing her readership, thereby making her more popular.

    There are no winners here. Except me.

    • Miss Common Sense

      Not to big on reading comprehension. Are you Amy

      I guess you missed the part where I said that we’re actually HAPPY that this ignorant bitch is showcasing out comments. See that way, people have a chance to see the stupidity that Jenni Maier not only here on crushable, but on her laughably stupid site where she tries to

      So by all means. Continue to showcase troll comments babe. I just request that she shows off mine next time. After all I’m the only one that refuted her idiocy ridden article word for word :)

      Come on Jenni what do you say? Showcase my verbal prowess next to your faux pas :)

    • Miss Common Sense

      I guess you missed the part where I said that we’re actually HAPPY that this ignorant bitch is showcasing out comments. See that way, people have a chance to see the stupidity that Jenni Maier not only here on crushable, but on her laughably stupid site where she tries to hard. As we would say.

      So by all means. Continue to showcase troll comments babe. I just request that she shows off mine next time. After all I’m the only one that refuted her idiocy ridden article word for word :)

    • Miss common sense

      You must have missed the part where we said that we were happy that she is showcasing our comments. It’s always a good day when an invalid like Jenni Maier showcases people who are clearly smarter and wittier than she is. :)

      By all means I would hope to increase her readership. More fools for me to make fun of!

      Come on down Crushable invalids! Make me happy! lol.

    • Amy

      Actually you’re right. I skimmed most of your inane comments so I apologize for calling you out on something you previously mentioned and are apparently proud of…. ?

      I repeat: no winners here.

    • Miss Common Sense

      Well if my comments were INANE amy then I guess you wouldn’t be responding to them now would you? I take that the readers of crushable are not familiar with their dictionaries?

      Again I say. Can’t Jenni Maier have smarter readers?

    • Amy

      I’m here for Jenni Maier, just like you.

      P.S. Is the “Miss” in your screen name meant to exhibit your marital status or are you saying that you miss possessing common sense?

    • Miss Common Sense

      Eh I’m more or less for my own amusement seeing. The fact that we get to be showcased on her blog and have our superior intellect compared to Jenni Maier’s 5th grade level of rationale is just a plus :)

    • James

      I just like reading the troll comments. Mostly cause they’re right :)

  • cam

    amusing but disapointed you didn’t mention the most annoying twitter trenders and silly group of delusional love sick little girls: the beilibers.

    • James

      That shows you what kind of idiocy goes on here at crushable. Apparently Justin Bieber has no annoying fangirls. Yet Harry potter some how trumps the belibers?

      I guess its safe to assume that Jenni Maier blew her college tuition money on weed and LSD. Rather than an education lol.

  • Larissa

    I find this totally fascinating. Why DO people get so riled up over silly pop culture opinion pieces? The author is expressing her opinion on celebrities and entertainment. And people start calling her names, insulting her as a person and writer because they feel they have to defend their favorite celebrity? A famous celebrity doesn’t need an army of fifteen year olds to defend them! Articles about them, good OR bad, are good for their career. And, to loosely quote one such commenter, bitch, they don’t know who YOU are either, and don’t need your help. If they’re famous enough to get an article written about them, they’re doing just fine. So chill out. And enjoy the fact that your favorite celeb is being discussed. Because I’m sure they’re thrilled that we consider them relevant.

    • Amy

      Good call Larissa.

      I don’t know how people can become emotionally distraught over their favourite superstar being dissed online. I don’t know if I would ever go out on a limb over a celebrity. Except maybe Chris Hemsworth. I’d be all over his limb.

    • Miss Common Sense

      Larissa I never understood this style of thinking that blog supporters have. Are you saying that just because she has a right to express her opinion, that somehow nullifies any stupidity and or ignorance that is ridden in Jenni Maier or any of the journalistic rejects that writes these articles for this laughable Perez Hilton wannabe site? Now that’s just plain silly. We are all aware that the author is expressing her “opinion.” We are just saying that her opinions are poorly formulated and backed up with nothing concrete or anything reasonable for her to come up with said opinion. Also name calling implies that we are doing something out of spite. Which couldn’t be further from the truth. We call her a hack writer with the wit of a dated pseudo intellectual high school dropout because she IS a hack writer with the wit of a dated pseudo intellectual high school dropout. If I were to call her something she is not, I’d say she is well-endowed as a writer and that she is a rather intelligent human being. But that would be lying. AS for me personally. this isn’t so much DEFENSE as it is just calling out a mentally inept writer for her generic writing skills and overall ignoramus mindset. But as far as the people who like to defend their celebrities, I can’t speak for everyone, but my speculation is that not a lot of people like it when a malcontent sensationalist amoral bitch with an expensive smart phone insult someone’s mother with little to NO proof about that person’s parental skills. Call me crazy but a lot of people don’t like bullies you know?

    • Jackfrost

      Amy thank you very much for that post.

      Not only do you contradict yourself within the same paragraph of your entire post, but you also managed to be a shining example of the ignorance ridden mindset that seems to be proudly displayed on this laughable asinine site. I’m sure the special education system was all over you when you were a youngster right?

    • Miss Common Sense

      Larissa I never understood this style of thinking that blog supporters have. Are you saying that just because she has a right to express her opinion, that somehow nullifies any stupidity and or ignorance that is ridden in Jenni Maier or any of the journalistic rejects that writes these articles for this laughable Perez Hilton wannabe site? Now that’s just plain silly. We’re just saying that her opinions are poorly formulated and backed up with nothing concrete or anything reasonable for her to come up with said opinion. Also name calling implies that we are doing something out of spite. Which couldn’t be further from the truth. We call her a hack writer with the wit of a dated pseudo intellectual high school dropout because she IS a hack writer with the wit of a dated pseudo intellectual high school dropout. If I were to call her something she is not, I’d say she is well-endowed as a writer and that she is a rather intelligent human being. But that would be lying. AS for me personally. this isn’t so much DEFENSE as it is just calling out a mentally inept writer for her generic writing skills and overall ignoramus mindset. But as far as the people who like to defend their celebrities, I can’t speak for everyone, but my speculation is that not a lot of people like it when a malcontent sensationalist amoral bitch with an expensive smart phone insult someone’s mother with little to NO proof about that person’s parental skills. Call me crazy but a lot of people don’t like bullies you know?

    • Miss Common Sense

      I never understood this style of thinking that blog supporters have. Are you saying that just because she has a right to express her opinion, that somehow nullifies any stupidity and or ignorance that is ridden in Jenni Maier or any of the journalistic rejects that writes these articles for this laughable Perez Hilton wannabe site? Now that’s just plain silly. We’re just saying that her opinions are poorly formulated and backed up with nothing concrete or anything reasonable for her to come up with said opinion. Also name calling implies that we are doing something out of spite. Which couldn’t be further from the truth. We call her a hack writer with the wit of a dated pseudo intellectual high school dropout because she IS a hack writer with the wit of a dated pseudo intellectual high school dropout. If I were to call her something she is not, I’d say she is well-endowed as a writer and that she is a rather intelligent human being. Also this isn’t so much DEFENSE as it is just calling out a mentally inept writer for her generic writing skills and overall ignoramus mindset. As far as the people who like to defend their celebrities, my speculation is that not a lot of people like it when a malcontent sensationalist amoral biach with an expensive smart phone insult someone’s mother with little to NO proof about that person’s parental skills. Call me crazy but a lot of people don’t like bullies you know?

    • James

      “Why DO people get so riled up over silly pop culture opinion pieces?”

      We are merely responding to what we feel needs to be responded to. Jenni Maier likes to live her life vicariously through celebrities. We like insulting her. Is that so wrong?

    • JackFrost

      Call me crazy but I think people don’t like it when slutty blog writers like Jenni Maier insult other people’s mothers. Especially the mother of a child who suffers from an eating disorder and a bipolar syndromes. I think that might be coming across as bullying and to the general public. And seeing as how you got nothing but hate on said article, I think it’s safe to say that your action of bashing someone’s MOTHER is not taken with humor or anything like that. So to answer your question Larissa, we insult her character because her as a person, because Jenni Maier as a person is for the most part nothing short of deplorable and disgusting. Do we need to know this person to know this person to know that Jenni Maier lacks any sort of Moral Compass? That’s like saying we need to personally know Hitler to know that what he did was anything short of unforgivable. I seriously question the intelligence of Jenni’s general readers. Lol Come on Larissa, lets at least muster up a 5th grade level of intelligence.

    • JackFrost

      Call me crazy but I think people don’t like it when ignorant bloggers like Jenni Maier insult other people’s mothers. Especially the mother of a child who suffers from an eating disorder. I think that might be coming across as bullying and to the general public So to answer your question Larissa, we insult her as a person because because Jenni Maier’s personality is nothing short of deplorable and disgusting. Do we need to know this person to know this person to know that Jenni lacks any sort of Moral Compass? That’s like saying we need to personally know Ted Bundy before we could judge his actions. Even though he spent his days murdering and slaughtering women. Come on Larissa, lets at least muster up a 5th grade level of intelligence.

  • Amy

    @ Jackfrost

    I was making a penis joke. All my comments have been in jest and to poke fun. I assumed that people who trolled celebrity gossip sites would have a sense of humour…

    Also, wtf is an “ignorance ridden mindset “? Sounds redundant when “ignorance” alone would have sufficed. Then again, I attended a special school as a youngster.

    • Miss Common Sense

      It’s ok. We understand :) We know that certain people like to support others with that “Special mindset” so we get you. Totally.
      But I think its a correct assessment when someone says your mind is riddled with “ignorance” which generally means. One’s mindset is filled with ignorance. Isn’t learning fun!? :)