Thanks Kanye. There goes another one of my foolproof predictions out the window. I was almost sure in the middle of that whole Jon Hamm, Kim Kardashian feud-thing that their tension was going to boil like a pot of spaghetti sauce, heating up, hotter and hotter, rising and expanding until nothing could contain it anymore, and in the case of Jon Hamm and Kim Kardashian they’d have sex, and in the case of the spaghetti sauce, it would splash all over my stove.
But, no. That didn’t happen. Instead, Jon Hamm proved to be too much a likeable and good guy to do something like that with Kim Kardashian. Well, good for you Jon. We’re all very proud of you. You know who would have done it though? Don Draper. Just goes to show you art doesn’t imitate life. Unless we’re talking about Kim Kardashian’s show, though I’m not sure that can be considered art. We could change the phrase though: “Art imitates life, but Kim Kardashian’s life is in no way art, that’s why we put it on E!” That works.
But, just when I think I’ve hit a predicting things snag, one of my other predictions comes true. You see I have a whole list of these things that I think are likely to come true. For example, three years ago I boldly predicted that in the next three years, somewhere in the world, it would rain. And being the genius prognosticator I am, I was right. And yesterday another prediction came true. I can now cross “Kim Kardashian and Kanye West dating.”
This makes so much sense. They both have intensely burning passions for themselves, and if we know anything about relationships, it’s that the best ones are firmly rooted in caring about yourself before the other person. I’m happy for them. When they go on dates, I bet Kanye looks deep into Kim’s eyes and thinks, “I’m in love with what I see in her eyes. Mostly, because I can see myself in the reflection on her pupils.”
So, in line with my history of predictions, I’m going to handicap a few predictions for this relationship. Here it goes:
Likelyhood their relationship last more than 3 months – 1/12: This means that they’d have to still be dating on July 6, which makes this prediction a tricky one. If I set this at 2 months, I’d say it’s a guarantee. If I had set it at 2 months and 28 days I would have said the odds were really good, but you never know what can happen over July 4th. I say either someone cheats on someone over the July 4th holiday and they break up two days later, or they get married in Vegas that day.
Likelihood they get married – 1/2: Are you kidding? This whole relationship has to be based on how much money Kim Kardashian can make off of it, and she would make so much money off another wedding.
Likelihood they go to dinner once while dating – 1/1: People gotta eat.
Likelihood Kim Kardashian comes out with a rap album produced by Kanye West during the lifespan of their relationship – 1/1: No! Hurry! Someone break them up!