I hope your necks are all nice and stretched out, because they’re about to be craned towards the train wreck of the century! Kanye “voice of this generation” West and Kim “genius business woman” Kardashian have reportedly rekindled their off and on affair with a movie date and a declaration of love and forgiveness via song on Kanye’s part.
On “Theraflu,” the new track that he dropped last night, Kanye raps about how Kim initially spurned him for fake husband Kris Humphries, but how he was nice enough not to make his friend Jay-Z (who is a part owner of the New York Nets) kick Kris off of his basketball team. This is assuming, of course, that Kanye has that power over Jay-Z, and also that Jay-Z has that power over the Nets:
And I’ll admit fell in love with Kim
Around the same time she fell in love him
Well that’s cool
Baby girl do your thing
Lucky I didn’t have Jay drop him from the team.
But once that ran its course, as all fake marriages do, and once Yeezy lost Amber Rose to real estate connoisseur Wiz Khalifa (potentially because ‘Ye was cheating on her with Kim), they were free to smash their giant egos together in one big explosion of mutual self-love. And what better way to kick off a new relationship by reminding your loved one how benevolent you were to a.) not try to get her ex fired from his job for dating her, and b.) take her back at all? What a gentleman. It’s no wonder Kim likes him so much!
Kim was even seeing doing the walk of shame from his house this morning, so you know they probably made it happen last night. How does that even work, you ask? I’m guessing they lie side-by-side, gently holding hands while hundreds of sex servants attend to their various whims, but who knows? In any case, I’m sure we’ll find out all kinds of gross details about their new life together soon enough.